How An Apple Dumpling Can Be Dangerous

This last weekend my mom and sister visited. What a fabulous trip! We headed up to Apple Hill on Sunday, but started off our fun on Saturday night at Fat's Restaurant. Fat's has THE best Chinese food ever, not to mention their famous banana cream pie.

Anyway, the food was great, blah blah blah. But what was really interesting was our waiter, Alex. He seemed nice enough, asking us if we were man bashing tonight (how did he know?) and even sitting at our table with us for a bit.

I wasn't sure if he was just being nice because he wanted a good tip or something, but Mom and Robyn thought he was flirting with me. Riiiiight. As per usual, I was in my best garb - a purple flowery top, frizzy ass hair and no makeup. I think it's safe to say he was definitely fishing for the tip.

He joked with us at one point that he wanted to come to Apple Hill with us. Mom (one strong mai tai into the night) told him we (read: I) would bring him back an apple dumpling. He said, "Well if you do, I'll hook you up with a drink!" What a nice deal.

Anyway, Apple Hill was magical the next day. We picked apples, Robyn got a pumpkin and, of course, we loaded our car with so many tasty apple treats to bake at home, including apple dumplings. Mom and Robyn encouraged me to go bring Alex an apple dumpling. He was a nice waiter, after all. I wasn't planning on making it a flirty occasion - he looked like 32! But I figured it would be a nice gesture.

Upon arriving home from Apple Hill (with wine tasting and checking out the brewery wearing off), it seemed like an absolute stupid idea to go back to Fat's and give Alex a dumb dumpling. But what do I do? I do it! Hey, I always like good stories and blog fodder.

He was at the bar that night, so I walked up with my awkwardness and lame yellow bag that adorned an apple. He semi-remembered me ("Trish, is it?") and seemed very thankful for the dumpling. He offered to make me a peach lemon drop - yum! I obliged since it seemed like a nice treat.

Weird Occurrence #1: He told me right off the bat (in between flirty smiles and winks) to "be careful" or he "might fall for me." Oh, shit. It was just an apple dumpling! What the hell was I thinking? I was cursing Mom and Robyn at this point.

Weird Occurrence #2: He also asked right off the bat if I was single. Eff. Too late, I told the truth.

Weird Occurrence #3: We made some small talk, and when the subject of birthdays came up, he said his (June 9) was easy to remember *wink*. 6-9. Ewwwwwwwwww.

Weird Occurrence #4: He invited me to the movies after he got off work. It was 8:30 on a Sunday! And he suggested "Zombieland." Umm, no.

Oh, and P.S. When I asked for my check, he brought it to me - 8 freakin' dollars for my lemon drop! What about this free drink he had mentioned? You don't sexually harass a lady and then make her pay for her drink. This kid has some serious issues. But then again, who am I to talk? I was the one who brought him a dessert and was sitting here listening to him consistently try to spit some game at me.

This is where I should have made my exit, but anyone who knows me knows that I am the most passive person ever. I hate to hurt anyone's feelings or come off rude. And this is where it gets me. I inadvertantly agreed to meet him over at BJ's to chat for a bit before I headed home.

Weird Occurrence #5: When asking about where we should meet, he asked, "Do you like BJ's? Well, of course. Everybody likes BJ's." *smirk* *smile* *wink*

Vomit.

So we chatted at BJ's for a bit where I found out a few things: he's 29, was engaged at some point to some woman who was 9 years older than him, used to be a church leader (eeeeeck) and refused to offer details about himself for fear that I "would no longer like him because there was no more mystery." Dude, I don't need mystery to like you. Just chivalry and sanity, 2 things you seem to be lacking.

Weird Occurrence #6: He asked for a rain check on the movie, then promptly invited himself over to my apartment on Thursday to "watch 'The Office' and cuddle."

Wow. All of this because of some stupid apple dumpling! I guess a girl cannot make a nice gesture for fear that some creeper will take it as a marriage proposal.

Weird Occurrence #7: In the midst of my asking about his taste in music and TV shows, he interrupted with a question about what types of first kisses I like. WT-mother-F. This fool just didn't have a clue.

We walked out to our cars, and I made sure to keep my head completely away from his when he hugged me for fear he may try to further misread my signals and go in for the kill.

Yuck. I need to stop with this niceness. Being a bitch seems so much safer.