Disappointment is Not So Disappointing

I found out recently that someone I may or may not have been over yet is now possibly courting a new woman.

Ahhh, yes. This is a regular occurence with me and the guys I date - they like me for 5 minutes, we break up because they don't like me enough, they continue to act like they like me when I'm really just a stand-in, and then boom - they have a new girlfriend overnight.

So if there are any fellas out there looking to find the right woman - please date me and then break up with me. Your soul mate is right around the corner.

I know I sound bitter, but really, this time around I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be. Maybe because I've been through it before, or maybe because I'm a grown up now - people come and go all the time. One broken heart is not the end of the world!

That's not to say it didn't sting.

Despite my adequate self-esteem and general liking of who I am, I have tended to question myself in the past after being rejected. Any normal person would wonder why they aren't good enough or what they could have done differently.

The thing is that there isn't anything wrong with me, and I didn't need to do anything differently. The only change I need to make is to let go of the ones who take me for granted and expel my energy on someone who actually appreciates me.

My mom has always talked to me about this whole one-sided love cycle of mine, asking, "Don't you want it to be mutual?" While this seems easy to comprehend - it's a lot harder to put into practice. Of course I want things to be mutual, but the optimist in me is always holding on to some glimmer of hope. Not to mention I can be taken advantage of easily because I really do wear my heart on my sleeve.

But in this most recent experience of mine, I don't just understand what my mom said - I feel it. I no longer feel that attraction towards this person. I don't hold him on pedestal. In fact, I actually kind of resent him. It's refreshing to finally see someone in a new light when all I've ever done is worn blinders. Not to mention - anger is a much better emotion than sadness, at least in my opinion. I'm so tired of the whole being sad deal - I always go that route, and I'm not going to regress back into that.

I truly feel like this was a moment of closure - a door closing and a huge weight off of my shoulders. I have no time to dwell on the people that hurt me. Yeah, I might slip up and listen to a depressing Journey song every now and again, but overall, my attitude is positive and I still have faith.