Lying in Bars

I have this new favorite pastime - lying to people I meet in bars.

I think the allure of it is that I'm the worst liar in the world - even joking with people is hard for me, as I instantly laugh and give myself away.

But in bars, when you meet strangers, it's easy to make things up right on the spot.

Last night, Erica and I made an impromptu stop at this dive bar in Roseville. It's a hole-in-the-wall place with obnoxious karaoke and cheap drinks. We each had a Bud Light in an attempt to cheer Erica up, as she was in the midst of a fight with her boyfriend.

It's pretty easy to spot guys who are contemplating coming to talk to you. They look over, look away. Wait a few beats. Look over, look away, turn their body toward you. I can see them in my peripheral, and that's when I immediately groan inside and think, "OK, here we go again."

I'm not trying to act like I get hit on a lot. In fact, I really don't. In most cases, it's my friends who do, which believe me, is fine. I usually get annoyed when strangers come up and interrupt my girl time - especially when the guy is usually twice my age. Seriously? I mean, I'm no Megan Fox, but last time I checked, I am not the fitting type of girl for a guy my dad's age! It's just gross, if you ask me.

Anyway, so Erica and I are chatting, she's getting in fight via text, and this older man (circa 40, I'd say) walks up to us. He playfully tells Erica that texting is not allowed in the bar, and I give him a death glare. Seriously? Was my "Eff off" body language inviting this guy to come over and start an inane conversation with us?

So I decided to have fun with it.

He asked us our names. Erica replied, "Susan." I responded, "Gabrielle." I almost went for Gabriela but quickly realized I'm too pasty to pull that off.

He asked why "Susan" was texting, and she said she was in a fight with someone. I told Bar Guy it was her boyfriend and that she was upset because he'd gotten another girl pregnant. Bar Guy was amazed Susan would even put up with that, and I explained it was because said boyfriend was rich and we're just materialistic like that.

Eventually he went away. It wasn't my best lie - I could have been more outlandish, but I don't think he would have bought it.

This wasn't the first time I'd lied at the bar. One time I told some dude that I'd just gotten back from Iraq. The rush of lying is exciting! When else do you get to do it harmlessly?

It's always fun to pretend to be someone different. I've got to come up with some better stories for next time - stories that make me extra unattractive, like my name is Yancy and I'm a sales associate at the Dollar Tree. Hmmm, I'll work on it.