Dating on Speed

I have now accomplished something I've always wanted to try but been too scared to - speed dating!

It literally was very random how it happened - the Sacramento Bee had an article on speed dating through the library, so I signed up on a whim, even though it said there was a waiting list. I assumed it would be too full, but then I got a call on Monday that I was in! I was excited, but a part of me was very freaked out - seriously, what the hell was I doing?

My only experience with speed dating has been through movies (the girl exposing her chest accidentally on "40-Year-Old Virgin" comes to mind). I never thought I'd actually do it, let alone by myself! I figured it would make for a good blog, though, so I went for it.

The premise was that you brought your favorite book as a conversation starter. I brought "The Kite Runner." When I got there, I was super nervous. What kind of weirdos speed date? Oh, wait. I do.

I sucked it up and went inside. As I was signing in, of course the expected happens - I see a guy I know! It was a guy who'd been in my creative writing class last fall (too bad it wasn't the guy I thought was cute!). I said hi to him, and it wasn't too terribly awkward, thank God.

There were about 10-15 people of each sex, and we sat around tables set up in a U-shape. We had 5 minutes with each candidate and checked off who we liked on a piece of paper (we all wore name tags with letters on them to keep track of who was whom). If there was a match, the organizers would e-mail us with the person's contact information in a couple days.

I started off talking to the guy from my creative writing class. He is really nice - no romantic connection whatsoever. But it was cool to just chat with someone I kind of knew to ease my nerves. I moved on to the next guy - an older guy in his 50s! Seriously, wasn't there an age limit on this thing? I guess it hadn't been strongly enforced. Oh, well. No matter. I just chatted with him as friends. Since the major topic was books, it made for easy conversation, rather than the typical flirtation you encounter in bars or at parties.

Another guy was from Nigeria and spoke very little English. OK.....he was very nice, but I don't think there was a love connection there. He mentioned wanting to become a pharmacy technician, and I joked, "Ohhh, so you want to be a drug dealer, huh?" I don't think sarcasm carries over well to those who are just learning the language.

Overall, I was surprised how much fun I had - most of the time I could have carried on talking for longer than 5 minutes. There were some really cool guys there - it wasn't necessarily romantic, but I just enjoy meeting new people. I was honest with them and admitted I'm not the most intellectual when it comes to reading - I love Harry Potter and Twilight, for crying out loud. There was one guy there who actually admitted that he was reading Twilight. Ha! Most of them were really into sci-fi books. Ewww, not really my thing, but hey, I like anyone who's literate.

Overall, it was a great experience, and I'm glad I did it. Oh, and at one point, a photographer asked if she could take a picture of the back of my head. So my 'fro may be featured somewhere soon. I'll check around to see if the story gets picked up somewhere :)

I should be hearing back in the next couple of days on my "matches." Part of me fears getting zero responses, but another part of me fears getting any! I'm no good at dating - who is, really? I just want to skip this whole nonsense and get to the comfortable part. But hey, I guess discomfort comes with the territory.

Despite this recent experience, I'm not necessarily "looking" for someone - I know that's no way to find a partner. I'm simply keeping myself open to all possibilities. If you're closed off, guarded and always wearing your boxing gloves, good things may pass you by. So here I am - just enjoying my single life, dabbling in new experiences and remaining optimistic that all will fall into place when the time is right.

Dear Diary

When I was back at my parents' house over Christmas, I got nostalgic and decided to read my old diaries. I've kept a journal since I was in about first grade, although I have yet to find that first one - a cute, Lisa Frank diary that I remember had an entry about how my friend Kerri witnessed two people out in the field of our elementary school doing the naughty. I didn't put it in those words, but how in the hell did a first grader know what that was?

I started off in order, reading my third grade diary. It was rivetting, let me tell ya. From entries on how I got head lice to how I hated my sister (without actually explaining why), it put me in tears from laughing so hard.

One highlight from a journal (I was probably about 12) just put me in hysterics - I ended it by saying, "P.S. Don't tell anyone, but I'm training to become a vampire slayer." Oh, the special days of my Buffy obsession.

Something interesting I found was when I gave dating advice at the ripe old age of 11. I was dating an older man (6th grader) and the relationship was becoming stale after about 6 months (side note: how is it that my 5th grade self knew how to keep a man better than I can at 23? Oy vey). I wrote something along the lines of: "I found out how to make a guy like you. All you do is act like you don't like him. And you can even pay more attention to other boys too. It totally works." I remember actually utilizing this strategy on the playground and how guilty I felt after my boyfriend accused me of liking another guy. But hey, it sure did keep him around!

The funny thing is that, naivety aside, this philosophy holds some truth. Why is it that when we act disinterested or do the whole "playing hard to get" thing, that some guys actually try harder? And conversely, when I squelch my desire to play games and are forthcoming with my feelings toward someone, why do they then run for the hills?

Maybe I just haven't been blessed with a reciprocated relationship yet, but I get very frustrated when I think of how often I've experienced the whole "I like him, and he doesn't like me" or "He likes me, and I'm not interested" scenarios. Does mutuality exist, for crying out loud?!

It's funny how sometimes people aren't even aware when things aren't mutual. I admit, I have been one of those people in the past. I am so disillusioned and blinded by my feelings that I assume the guy is feeling the same. I think given some of my most recent relationship trials, I'm not going to fall into this trap anymore.

But there have been guys who completely misread my signals and thought I was into them. For example, one guy I went out on a date with was very nice, but there was just no spark. I knew I wasn't into him when I wasn't feeling nervous - I'm always sweating big time when I like a guy! He was pretty typical - liked snowboarding, had awesome buddies, did crazy, awesome things when out drinking with his buddies, watched awesome guy movies, etc. Blah blah blah. Boooooring! I like my guys original, not the ones who think "The Hangover" deserves an Oscar.

I think with this guy being so boring, I almost mirrored his boringness and became pretty dull myself. I thought maybe he wouldn't be into me after that, but he called and called and texted and texted. Even when I didn't call and text back! That is the cardinal rule in dating nowadays - unless your date is technology averse, the nonresponsive communication is a big sign that they are not interested.

Another guy I went out with once (and only once) was all about talking about himself. Yaaaawn. He wasn't that great, and he had bad manners toward our waitress. I couldn't wait to get out of there and go home to watch E! Entertainment. After a quick (thank the Lord!) dinner, we got up to go and he asked, "So do you wanna go get drinks maybe?"

Hello - you don't ask for Date #2 while still on Date #1, you imbecile! I hadn't been acting into him at all the whole night - why did he take my niceness as a sign I liked him? I dodged a bullet though and gave him a great line: "I probably shouldn't. I've got laundry going at home right now and don't want it to just sit in there."

Ouch. I might as well have told him I had to go home to wash my hair. The laundry excuse was true, but I can see how it could come off like a lie. The guy texted me immediately when I got in my car and said, "No one's ever used the laundry thing as an out before. Props." Ugh, what a tool. I should have just said no, I have to work early tomorrow, but no! Honest Abe had to come out.

OK, so I've gone off on a significant tangent, but the basic lesson I learned when reading my old diaries - not much changes when you're 10 to when you're 20. It just gets more complicated. But on the upside - you have more responsibilities in your 20s, ergo more excuses to get out of bad dates!

Big Hair, Big Questions, Big Losers

Upon choosing the name of this blog, I'm reminded of a certain scene in the movie "Mean Girls" where Damien describes the nosiest, most gossip-y member of "The Plastics": "That's why her hair is so big - it's full of secrets!"

Now I wouldn't say my 'fro is full of more than some mild gel and bobby pins, but I have to admit that I can relate to the big-haired mean girl in the fact that I am quite inquisitive (read: nosy) about other people's lives and business. I don't spread the word about people afterward usually, but I like knowing things about people for the sake of knowing. I was a journalism major in college, so asking questions and getting to know more about people comes with the territory. It's actually a running joke in my family about the crazy, thought-provoking questions I come up with, just so as to find out more about my favorite people. I've thrown out everything from, "Money aside, what would your dream job be?" to "If you were black, how would you wear your hair?"

Now that my randomness has been properly proven, I'd like to say welcome to my first official blog entry! I used to blog a lot on my MySpace, but since my profile there has gone defunct (OK, I'm actually avoiding an ex on there. Can you blame me?), I've decided to join the blogosphere so that my random rants, raves and musings can reach all people, even non-MySpacers.

I've kept a journal ever since I was about 7, so I've never been one to shy away from chronicling my life. I hope to keep you entertained as I bring you along on my journey through my early 20s as I navigate the world of work, family, friendships, romance (or lack thereof), politics and my oh-so-adorable cat Cammie.

To get this this entry flowin', I'm taking the advice of my friend Alanna and sharing a collection of anecdotes about the comedy that is my love life. Ahh, yes. While tragedy has ensued in this arena, I'm fairly certain I'm past the bitter, heartbroken phase and can now look back on some of my experiences and laugh. I broke up with someone about 3 months ago and we haven't talked since. This is HUGE for me, given my old co-dependent ways. I used to not be able to let people go, probably because I just assumed that there wouldn't be anybody else out there. Word of advice: there will ALWAYS be another bus to catch, even if that bus eventually runs you over or drives away without a second glance. Have faith, another bus will be en route your way. And I have hope that one day, it'll eventually be a Bentley stretch limo that comes my way.

Anyway, back to the comedy. I discovered recently that as a single gal, people are always trying to set you up. While that is thoughtful, it's also a recipe for disaster (i.e. uncomfortable blind dates, forced polite rejections from my end, and repeating the same "all about me" spiel to each loser that enters my life). Just because I'm not in a relationship does not mean I'm unhappy or "looking" for someone! I don't believe in "looking," since that usually requires wearing blinders and thinking that every douche bag that walks my way is actually Mr. Right in disguise. Looking for love has made me stupid; therefore, I've found that I like myself more when I'm content with just being independent and unattached.

So in the months following my break up, I met some pretty uneligible bachelors with one thing in common: kids! Lordy, I'm 23! In no way am I stepmom material. There was guy #1, whom I'll call Mr. Bomb-Dropper (BD for short). Mr. BD and I shared a couple fun dates, and I was feeling him at first. He was smart, educated, sweet, attentive. After about date #3, he finally spills: "Umm, I have a 3-year-old son, and I feel like shit for not telling you earlier." Damn right you should feel like shit! That would have been a nice piece of information to know before I started doodling our names together (OK, I'm exaggerating. I didn't like him all that much, but this whole kid business sure put the brakes on whatever minimal feelings I had for the padre). Needless to say, that ended fairly quickly. I told him I didn't have feelings for him; he asked what he did wrong and how could he make it better. Umm, don't think it would make us soul mates or anything, but you could have tried going back in time and wrapping it up, my friend!

Then there was the next guy after him (don't worry - I'm no hussy. These were all just dates and nothing more. Obviously these characters are not even getting first-name mentions, hence how irrelevant and short-lived my interactions with them were). We'll call this one Mr. Grandpa. Now, he wasn't a grandpa by any means. He was 5 years my senior, but he sure as hell looked like a senior himself! At least 10 years older than his real age. That should have been my tip-off. He had a kid too, but he was honest from the get-go. I gave it a chance because I figured it would make a good story. We lasted one date and that's it. He was super nice but so not my type (i.e. looked like he could be my dad). Plus I'm pretty sure he was a die-hard Republican (not that I have an issue with Repos. I just don't really want to marry one!). Mr. Grandpa was a set-up date, and the person setting us up told me she "had a really good feeling about this one. A sixth sense." OK, Haley Joel Osment. There was no attaction whatsoever. I appreciate the effort, but eccck!

Lastly, there was a guy who asked for my business card at a client event. He was pretty attractive, but again, seemed to be quite a bit older than me (I was right - 10 years older!). We'll call this guy Mr. Declarative (as in declarative sentences. You'll see what I mean in a minute). After 2 weeks or so, he finally e-mailed me. At that point I'd already dismissed him because I'm a firm believer in making things happen right away if you really want it. Mr. Declarative obviously treated meeting me as an afterthought, so I was surprised to hear from him. He asked how I was, and I kid you not, that was the last question he asked. We went back and forth a bit via e-mail, but every response he had was him talking about himself and never asking about me. Wow, super attractive, buddy! First you act too busy to send a 2-second e-mail to me. Now you appear nonchalant and apathetic in the e-mail chain YOU initiated. Eww. Oh, and in true Tracy-always-attracts-the-rejects fashion, he revealed he has a daughter - a 12-year-old! That's a red flag the size of India.

So basically, set ups are irritating and kind of a waste of time. While they make interesting blog fodder, I don't think I'll be dating any randoms anytime soon. I do like to have male company every now and again since I don't want to only surround myself with girls, but overall, single life is good! Easier, less stress, less overanalyzing. I say that now since it's only been 3 months. But who knows if I'll be singing a different tune once the year mark comes around. After awhile, who knows if I'll be desperate for that bus - heck, a messenger bike - to come along! Stay tuned.