Every now and again, I find myself getting down about our country's current state of affairs - an economy in the toilet, people close to me getting laid off or not able to find work, civil rights injustices. I read news headlines every day, and many times it's just a bummer. I know the news is reality, but when will things be truly good again?
Then there are days when I'm able to find the postives in all this mess. For me, this mostly lies in some of the fantastic people that I am fortunate to know.
My co-worker Sofia is one of these people.
A previous client of ours nailed it on the head - she said Sofia is the "sunshine of the office." And it's so true! Never does a day go by that Sofia doesn't have a smile on her face, a great attitude and just overall determination to make each day count. She really is an inspiration to me, and she's one of the main reasons I love coming to work every day.
Tomorrow is her birthday, so we celebrated it today in the office. First, the celebration began yesterday when Bill took the office out for lunch to John's Incredible Pizza. For those who don't know what this magical place is - well, simply put, you're missing out. It's a pizza and salad buffet mixed with arcade games. Sounds like Chuck E. Cheese, but it's more adult-friendly (they serve alcohol and have ESPN on in one of the banquet rooms) and 2,000 times better! We ate some lunch and then hit up our office's favorite (and probably most nerdy) arcade attraction - the trivia game.
Last night, I came back to work after Sofia had left so I could decorate her office. I decided on a Tiffany & Co. theme (her favorite!). I got a lot of cute engagement ring items from the bridal section at Party City, and then mixed it with light blue and white crepe paper. I even made a sign for her door that said "Welcome to Sofia & Co."
This was such a small gesture - I wish I could give Sofia the world! She deserves it! I always tell her that she reminds me of my mom. She's just one of those rare people who sees the good in everything, is nice to everyone they meet (and genuine about it), and just has the biggest heart. I always ask my mom, "Is there anyone that doesn't like you?" It's the same way with Sofia. She is the definition of a gem!
Laura brought in a cake that she got from Nugget Market - a yummmmmy fruit basket cake - and we all ate together in the conference room (which I'd decorated in Tiffany colors as well). Overall, a great Friday!
I'm looking forward to this weekend (who isn't?). I'm going to catch up on some must-needed sleep, plus celebrate the birthdays of 2 other friends of mine!
I know Thanksgiving is over, but I just want to say there is so much to be thankful for!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, December 4, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sometimes It Sucks Being a Woman
No, this is not an entry about periods or childbirth.
I'm talking about the dreaded task of taking your car in for routine maintenance.
Yesterday I dedicated my morning to getting my car worked on. First stop - Les Schwab to get my tires rotated and my brakes checked.
I recognize that because this is a complimentary service, they might take a bit longer than on the cars by paying customers. But for pete's sake, I was there for an hour! And literally, there were about 2 people in the waiting room. I'm pretty sure the guy in line in front of me was getting the same service done, and he was in and out.
Mine took forever because there were 2 separate attempts of trying to sell me on things to get done on my car - something about tie rods and resurfacing my rotors.
UGH, I dread taking my car into places like this because I know it's going to be one sales pitch/fear mongering attempt after another. Like if I don't resurface my rotors that JUST got put in this past July, I might just swerve off the road and die in a ditch?
Maybe I'm reaching here, but I feel like men don't have to deal with this as much. It appears to me that because these car people assume other men know about their cars that it's pointless to try and sell them a $400 brake job. But little ignorant ol' me has no clue about cars, so let's swindle me for all I got!
I know the economy is tough, and everyone needs to make sales right now. But this has gone on in good times as well.
As I usually point out in my blogs, here's another example of Tracy doing something dumb (not that I always like to highlight how dumb I can be. I just think it shows I've learned many lessons thus far the hard way!). A couple years ago, I was having my oil changed at Jiffy Lube in Eugene, right after I graduated from Oregon. I made the mistake of telling the mechanic there that I was planning on driving 500 miles home the next day. And boy did he capitalize on that one.
"Well your radiator definitely needs to be flushed. There's a lot of sludge in there, and honestly, if you're driving that far tomorrow, you're going to overheat."
Again with the fear mongering.
So I obliged to the radiator flush and discovered it was $100!!! I instantly called my dad to ask if this was even necessary, and he promptly yelled at me that it was not needed and that I should tell the guy not to do it.
The mechanic, overhearing my conversation with my dad, told me he couldn't stop - the process had already begun. Then he tries to smooth it over. "I know how it is. I have 2 young daughters myself, so I'm not trying to sell you something you don't need. You needed this."
No, sir. I did NOT need it, our family mechanic told me later that summer. I had been taken advantage of, and it pissed me off!
So I've always had this fear of taking my car in to get work done.
My mom always tells me to just say no to everything they recommend and then say, "My dad/boyfriend is going to take care of that for me." Sorry, Mom, but no way! That just perpetuates the stereotype that only men know things about cars.
Back to yesterday. I survived Les Schwab unscathed, just annoyed that it took so long. I guess there was an issue with one of my tire studs - it broke off, so they fixed that for free (they'd better!).
Next stop - the dreaded oil change.
There was no way in hell I was going to Jiffy Lube again, so I went to a place where I had a coupon. I practiced in the car on the way there saying "No. No. No." Just say no to everything.
Everything went really smoothly, and they didn't try to push anything on me at all. Hallelujah! I'm definitely going back to that place. They seem female friendly! FYI - it's called SpeeDee Oil Change (I looked past the annoying misspelling of the place. Hey, I can deal with bad grammar if it means my Malibu can get me to work).
I do admit that I don't know much about cars, so of course I can be an easy target. Not to mention, I'm a people pleaser and hate saying no. So it's sales situations like this that are hard for me. I admit that after Les Schwab, I called my dad and asked if I'd done the right thing by saying no to the tie rods (I knew the resurfacing job was bogus). Of course my dad said I did the right thing. But then again, he always wants me to say no to boys in every aspect!
I'm talking about the dreaded task of taking your car in for routine maintenance.
Yesterday I dedicated my morning to getting my car worked on. First stop - Les Schwab to get my tires rotated and my brakes checked.
I recognize that because this is a complimentary service, they might take a bit longer than on the cars by paying customers. But for pete's sake, I was there for an hour! And literally, there were about 2 people in the waiting room. I'm pretty sure the guy in line in front of me was getting the same service done, and he was in and out.
Mine took forever because there were 2 separate attempts of trying to sell me on things to get done on my car - something about tie rods and resurfacing my rotors.
UGH, I dread taking my car into places like this because I know it's going to be one sales pitch/fear mongering attempt after another. Like if I don't resurface my rotors that JUST got put in this past July, I might just swerve off the road and die in a ditch?
Maybe I'm reaching here, but I feel like men don't have to deal with this as much. It appears to me that because these car people assume other men know about their cars that it's pointless to try and sell them a $400 brake job. But little ignorant ol' me has no clue about cars, so let's swindle me for all I got!
I know the economy is tough, and everyone needs to make sales right now. But this has gone on in good times as well.
As I usually point out in my blogs, here's another example of Tracy doing something dumb (not that I always like to highlight how dumb I can be. I just think it shows I've learned many lessons thus far the hard way!). A couple years ago, I was having my oil changed at Jiffy Lube in Eugene, right after I graduated from Oregon. I made the mistake of telling the mechanic there that I was planning on driving 500 miles home the next day. And boy did he capitalize on that one.
"Well your radiator definitely needs to be flushed. There's a lot of sludge in there, and honestly, if you're driving that far tomorrow, you're going to overheat."
Again with the fear mongering.
So I obliged to the radiator flush and discovered it was $100!!! I instantly called my dad to ask if this was even necessary, and he promptly yelled at me that it was not needed and that I should tell the guy not to do it.
The mechanic, overhearing my conversation with my dad, told me he couldn't stop - the process had already begun. Then he tries to smooth it over. "I know how it is. I have 2 young daughters myself, so I'm not trying to sell you something you don't need. You needed this."
No, sir. I did NOT need it, our family mechanic told me later that summer. I had been taken advantage of, and it pissed me off!
So I've always had this fear of taking my car in to get work done.
My mom always tells me to just say no to everything they recommend and then say, "My dad/boyfriend is going to take care of that for me." Sorry, Mom, but no way! That just perpetuates the stereotype that only men know things about cars.
Back to yesterday. I survived Les Schwab unscathed, just annoyed that it took so long. I guess there was an issue with one of my tire studs - it broke off, so they fixed that for free (they'd better!).
Next stop - the dreaded oil change.
There was no way in hell I was going to Jiffy Lube again, so I went to a place where I had a coupon. I practiced in the car on the way there saying "No. No. No." Just say no to everything.
Everything went really smoothly, and they didn't try to push anything on me at all. Hallelujah! I'm definitely going back to that place. They seem female friendly! FYI - it's called SpeeDee Oil Change (I looked past the annoying misspelling of the place. Hey, I can deal with bad grammar if it means my Malibu can get me to work).
I do admit that I don't know much about cars, so of course I can be an easy target. Not to mention, I'm a people pleaser and hate saying no. So it's sales situations like this that are hard for me. I admit that after Les Schwab, I called my dad and asked if I'd done the right thing by saying no to the tie rods (I knew the resurfacing job was bogus). Of course my dad said I did the right thing. But then again, he always wants me to say no to boys in every aspect!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Why DO Men Love Bitches?
This is a book I was so ill-advised to purchase a couple of years ago.
I stopped reading half way through because it was a beyond ridiculous, antiquated and downright offensive excuse for a "self-help" book. Nowhere did I find the reasoning behind the title - I'm still pondering to this day: why DO men love bitches? It should have been called "How to Act Like a Game-Playing, Immature Teenager So You Can Snag the Attention of Misogynistic, Insecure Tools."
I threw the book away (recycled, rather - that crappy book needs to be redeemed somehow!) before my recent move. And today I began to question once more: why do guys tend to stray away from nice girls and flock to the so-called bitches?
And why would any self-respecting woman attempt to downplay her kindness in hopes of attaining the ever-so-precious attention of some one-track minded asshole?
Could I easily be more of a bitch? Absolutely. Could I get a guy to like me? Sure (although, this may be open to interpretation as of late). But honestly, do I really even WANT to be liked by a guy who's sole reason for his initial attraction to me is the way I act unattainable? Is this guy even worth my energy and time? Absolutely not. I want a guy who appreciates nice girls. He may be hard to find, but I have faith they're out there.
And this principle of bitch loving applies to other parts of life, like working relationships, meeting acquaintances and even friendships. Maybe this is just my distorted view, but I always feel like I see inconsiderate people getting what they want in the end. They were "pushy" enough to go for it, so that means they deserve respect and attention at work and in their social lives?
That is ludicrous.
The reason why I'm questioning this so much today is because a recent situation brought this whole bitch-loving nonsense to my attention. Someone I was close to (and treated VERY well) is now adrift from me. This person is, however, still very close to a certain someone who is - all right, I'll just go out and say it - a bitch. The bitch has screwed this person over before, and that person has vowed to me that they will no longer remain as close to that bitch as before.
Yet here we are - that person will not give me the time of day, yet they are as close as ever to this bitch person. I had (obviously erroneously) placed this person on a pedestal and assumed they were more evolved than that; however, I am mistaken. I did nothing wrong to this person, so maybe I need to stoop to this bitch's level in order to be more appealing? Oh, hell freakin' no.
This isn't the first time this person has showed their taste for bitch. This person has an ex who was also quite the brute, and this person still holds that ex in very high esteem, even going so far as to say they miss them and would like to rekindle some semblance of a friendship.
When did being inconsiderate and downright awful become the M.O. for how to be in certain people's lives? It's like thoughtfulness and compassion count for nothing!
I'm not claiming to be perfect - I'm far from it - but I would classify myself as more of a nice, easy-going person than a stubborn, hard-headed one. I know I'm not the only nice person out there, but so many times I feel like I'm a good, caring person surrounded by a screwed up world full of self-serving assholes. When does it pay off to be nice?? Why is it that I get walked on and taken for granted when I try my best to treat others well?
There is some condition in children where they're unable to read others' emotions - like you could be crying in front of the child, and he/she wouldn't understand that something is wrong. I think I have the exact opposite of this condition - I'm reading and observing people non-stop, trying to figure out how best to adapt to their situation and feelings. Always worrying about how they feel and how to best make them feel comfortable. I never want to hurt their feelings, so I do my best to tip-toe around sensitive topics.
It is exhausting.
And yet, I don't know how to be anything but nice. I don't know how to be a bitch (in the definition that the author of that lame ass book came up with). I don't want to be a bitch, either. I just want to be myself and have other people around me give a shit too. I want other people to be more sensitive to my feelings (and when I say other people, I mean the general public and other acquaintances. I have great friends and family!).
Why does it seem sometimes that I'm surrounded by tin men who have no hearts?? Where is the Great and Powerful Oz when you need him!
I've decided it's best that I cut ties with those insensitive and unevolved people who are either bitches themselves or bitch lovers. Why would I want them in my life anyway? It's hurtful to be let down, but all I can do is surround myself with people who encourage me to be just as I am and like me, niceness and all.
I stopped reading half way through because it was a beyond ridiculous, antiquated and downright offensive excuse for a "self-help" book. Nowhere did I find the reasoning behind the title - I'm still pondering to this day: why DO men love bitches? It should have been called "How to Act Like a Game-Playing, Immature Teenager So You Can Snag the Attention of Misogynistic, Insecure Tools."
I threw the book away (recycled, rather - that crappy book needs to be redeemed somehow!) before my recent move. And today I began to question once more: why do guys tend to stray away from nice girls and flock to the so-called bitches?
And why would any self-respecting woman attempt to downplay her kindness in hopes of attaining the ever-so-precious attention of some one-track minded asshole?
Could I easily be more of a bitch? Absolutely. Could I get a guy to like me? Sure (although, this may be open to interpretation as of late). But honestly, do I really even WANT to be liked by a guy who's sole reason for his initial attraction to me is the way I act unattainable? Is this guy even worth my energy and time? Absolutely not. I want a guy who appreciates nice girls. He may be hard to find, but I have faith they're out there.
And this principle of bitch loving applies to other parts of life, like working relationships, meeting acquaintances and even friendships. Maybe this is just my distorted view, but I always feel like I see inconsiderate people getting what they want in the end. They were "pushy" enough to go for it, so that means they deserve respect and attention at work and in their social lives?
That is ludicrous.
The reason why I'm questioning this so much today is because a recent situation brought this whole bitch-loving nonsense to my attention. Someone I was close to (and treated VERY well) is now adrift from me. This person is, however, still very close to a certain someone who is - all right, I'll just go out and say it - a bitch. The bitch has screwed this person over before, and that person has vowed to me that they will no longer remain as close to that bitch as before.
Yet here we are - that person will not give me the time of day, yet they are as close as ever to this bitch person. I had (obviously erroneously) placed this person on a pedestal and assumed they were more evolved than that; however, I am mistaken. I did nothing wrong to this person, so maybe I need to stoop to this bitch's level in order to be more appealing? Oh, hell freakin' no.
This isn't the first time this person has showed their taste for bitch. This person has an ex who was also quite the brute, and this person still holds that ex in very high esteem, even going so far as to say they miss them and would like to rekindle some semblance of a friendship.
When did being inconsiderate and downright awful become the M.O. for how to be in certain people's lives? It's like thoughtfulness and compassion count for nothing!
I'm not claiming to be perfect - I'm far from it - but I would classify myself as more of a nice, easy-going person than a stubborn, hard-headed one. I know I'm not the only nice person out there, but so many times I feel like I'm a good, caring person surrounded by a screwed up world full of self-serving assholes. When does it pay off to be nice?? Why is it that I get walked on and taken for granted when I try my best to treat others well?
There is some condition in children where they're unable to read others' emotions - like you could be crying in front of the child, and he/she wouldn't understand that something is wrong. I think I have the exact opposite of this condition - I'm reading and observing people non-stop, trying to figure out how best to adapt to their situation and feelings. Always worrying about how they feel and how to best make them feel comfortable. I never want to hurt their feelings, so I do my best to tip-toe around sensitive topics.
It is exhausting.
And yet, I don't know how to be anything but nice. I don't know how to be a bitch (in the definition that the author of that lame ass book came up with). I don't want to be a bitch, either. I just want to be myself and have other people around me give a shit too. I want other people to be more sensitive to my feelings (and when I say other people, I mean the general public and other acquaintances. I have great friends and family!).
Why does it seem sometimes that I'm surrounded by tin men who have no hearts?? Where is the Great and Powerful Oz when you need him!
I've decided it's best that I cut ties with those insensitive and unevolved people who are either bitches themselves or bitch lovers. Why would I want them in my life anyway? It's hurtful to be let down, but all I can do is surround myself with people who encourage me to be just as I am and like me, niceness and all.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Rejection then Perfection
I was rejected last week from something I'd applied for, something I'd felt pretty good about. I was rejected via e-mail - that's the relationship equivalent to getting dumped over a text message. I wasn't even worth a phone call to these bastards!
But instead of getting all weepy and pathetic, I shook it off and got back on with my life. That got me thinking about all the rejection I've experienced in my life and how it's really toughened me up. And I'm not trying to throw a Pity Party and say "Oh poor me. Nobody loves me, blah blah blah." I know I'm a valuable person that has a lot to offer. But that doesn't make me any less susceptible to rejection.
Not all, but many of my experiences in rejection have been in the arena of boys. I remember liking this guy Owen in 10th grade. He was a senior and we were in the same Chemistry class. A semi-mutual friend of ours let me in on a little secret: apparently Owen had a crush on a girl in his Chemistry class - a younger girl. Well, after scoping out my competition (not saying I was spectacular - pretty sure I had braces at the time - but I figured he was referring to me since he didn't talk to any other younger girls in the class besides me).
So Brilliant Me got the fantastic idea to write Owen a note (with a pink pen even!) and leave it on the windshield of his car. I basically just wrote a bunch of gibberish and added my phone number at the end. And then I waited. Waited alllll weekend to hear from him. Not a peep. Hmm, strange.
Come Monday morning, I was quickly told that Owen had a new girlfriend - my enemy Kelley! How in Hades did THAT happen? I'm guessing our mutual friend had received some bad information (or blatantly screwed my ass over - I'm still unsure which), and I had now humiliated myself.
When I look back on that now, I remember I felt awful at school and wanted nothing more than to go home, cry to my mom and listen to the sad tunes of Britney Spears or *NSYNC. Nothing spells out teen angst better than "I'm Not a Girl, Yet Not a Woman" and "Digital Get Down." But I also think back and realize, why was I so sad over that dipshit? He was a juggler for crying out loud! And no, not a juggler of women. An actual juggler - he was always seen throwing around some lame rings or dumb ass hacky sacks. Could Ringling Brother really have made me happy? Highly doubtful.
Then there was the time I was rejected by a guy on national television. Granted, it was a hot, famous BMX rider (Dave Mirra). When MTV came to Lake Tahoe a few years ago, my friend and I went up there to be in some of the beach shots for TRL. It was all taped, so the coverage wasn't shown until the following week. They taped me asking Dave Mirra what he was scared of and if he would marry me (yes, I actually did this). I watched in anticipation that next week when Dave finally came on TRL. His reaction to my request? "Whoa, that's what I'm scared of right there!" or something to that effect. Sigh. Even famous people who are 3,000 miles away and will clearly never meet me couldn't even throw me a bone.
Besides male rejection, I have also experienced academic rejection. I applied for this huge scholarship in college that would have paid for an entire year's worth of tuition. It was for anyone who graduated from my high school in NV, so I figured the pool of applicants (and my competition) was pretty small. I was on the phone with my dad when the letter came, and he listened to me as I opened it all excitedly. Ugh. A big fat NO. I definitely cried after that one.
I can't even begin to cover all the jobs I've been rejected from. Before I joined the PR firm I work for now, I was rejected from some ghetto ass legal secretary job in an office that consisted of one fat ass lawyer and his part-time associate. And he worked in Loomis (with a population of like 40). I'm sure I couldn't have handled the multi-phone line system when his plethora of calls came in. Oh, and that copy machine? That new-fangled contraption can be a bitch to learn how to use.
Overall, I've had my share of being told "no." And while rejection is never fun or easy, it doesn't make me feel as incapacitated as it did when I was younger. A guy not liking me was the end of the world in high school. Not getting a position or scholarship or spot on the cheerleading squad was hard for me and left me questioning myself a lot.
I still question myself at times, but it's those accomplishments and times I've heard "yes" that keep me going. I beat out 100 people for my current position at work, and my oh-so-selfless parents were the best scholarship fund a gal could ask for! I still get rejected by guys, but I've had the pleasure of meeting some really nice ones who have changed me and helped me grow.
Without that risk of rejection, I would not be where I am today. Now I'm better able to shrug things off and move forward. And just think: if I hadn't experienced rejection, I would be some asshole lawyer's bitch and the wife of a circus freak.
But instead of getting all weepy and pathetic, I shook it off and got back on with my life. That got me thinking about all the rejection I've experienced in my life and how it's really toughened me up. And I'm not trying to throw a Pity Party and say "Oh poor me. Nobody loves me, blah blah blah." I know I'm a valuable person that has a lot to offer. But that doesn't make me any less susceptible to rejection.
Not all, but many of my experiences in rejection have been in the arena of boys. I remember liking this guy Owen in 10th grade. He was a senior and we were in the same Chemistry class. A semi-mutual friend of ours let me in on a little secret: apparently Owen had a crush on a girl in his Chemistry class - a younger girl. Well, after scoping out my competition (not saying I was spectacular - pretty sure I had braces at the time - but I figured he was referring to me since he didn't talk to any other younger girls in the class besides me).
So Brilliant Me got the fantastic idea to write Owen a note (with a pink pen even!) and leave it on the windshield of his car. I basically just wrote a bunch of gibberish and added my phone number at the end. And then I waited. Waited alllll weekend to hear from him. Not a peep. Hmm, strange.
Come Monday morning, I was quickly told that Owen had a new girlfriend - my enemy Kelley! How in Hades did THAT happen? I'm guessing our mutual friend had received some bad information (or blatantly screwed my ass over - I'm still unsure which), and I had now humiliated myself.
When I look back on that now, I remember I felt awful at school and wanted nothing more than to go home, cry to my mom and listen to the sad tunes of Britney Spears or *NSYNC. Nothing spells out teen angst better than "I'm Not a Girl, Yet Not a Woman" and "Digital Get Down." But I also think back and realize, why was I so sad over that dipshit? He was a juggler for crying out loud! And no, not a juggler of women. An actual juggler - he was always seen throwing around some lame rings or dumb ass hacky sacks. Could Ringling Brother really have made me happy? Highly doubtful.
Then there was the time I was rejected by a guy on national television. Granted, it was a hot, famous BMX rider (Dave Mirra). When MTV came to Lake Tahoe a few years ago, my friend and I went up there to be in some of the beach shots for TRL. It was all taped, so the coverage wasn't shown until the following week. They taped me asking Dave Mirra what he was scared of and if he would marry me (yes, I actually did this). I watched in anticipation that next week when Dave finally came on TRL. His reaction to my request? "Whoa, that's what I'm scared of right there!" or something to that effect. Sigh. Even famous people who are 3,000 miles away and will clearly never meet me couldn't even throw me a bone.
Besides male rejection, I have also experienced academic rejection. I applied for this huge scholarship in college that would have paid for an entire year's worth of tuition. It was for anyone who graduated from my high school in NV, so I figured the pool of applicants (and my competition) was pretty small. I was on the phone with my dad when the letter came, and he listened to me as I opened it all excitedly. Ugh. A big fat NO. I definitely cried after that one.
I can't even begin to cover all the jobs I've been rejected from. Before I joined the PR firm I work for now, I was rejected from some ghetto ass legal secretary job in an office that consisted of one fat ass lawyer and his part-time associate. And he worked in Loomis (with a population of like 40). I'm sure I couldn't have handled the multi-phone line system when his plethora of calls came in. Oh, and that copy machine? That new-fangled contraption can be a bitch to learn how to use.
Overall, I've had my share of being told "no." And while rejection is never fun or easy, it doesn't make me feel as incapacitated as it did when I was younger. A guy not liking me was the end of the world in high school. Not getting a position or scholarship or spot on the cheerleading squad was hard for me and left me questioning myself a lot.
I still question myself at times, but it's those accomplishments and times I've heard "yes" that keep me going. I beat out 100 people for my current position at work, and my oh-so-selfless parents were the best scholarship fund a gal could ask for! I still get rejected by guys, but I've had the pleasure of meeting some really nice ones who have changed me and helped me grow.
Without that risk of rejection, I would not be where I am today. Now I'm better able to shrug things off and move forward. And just think: if I hadn't experienced rejection, I would be some asshole lawyer's bitch and the wife of a circus freak.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Plugging Along
When I woke up this morning, it took every iota inside me to physically get out of bed and actually start getting ready. Oooh, how good it sounded to just call in sick or jump out of my second story window (neither of which would be plausible - I can't lie for beans, and I seriously doubt jumping out of my window would do much more than scrape my knees and bruise my ego).
I felt like I just couldn't pull myself together, if that shows how unmotivated I've been lately. Not to mention, the ex was in my dream (why oh why, slumber gods?). The day just started off horribly.
But I pulled myself together and put one foot forward at a time - get ready, go to work, take care of tasks one at a time, etc. And really, the day went pretty well. I booked a second radio interview for one client and got serious interest from 2 other producers.
After work I went to a presentation on human trafficking (what a hoot on a Tuesday evening!). It's part of my volunteering with WEAVE. In order to stay certified as a peer counselor in domestic violence and sexual assault, I have to complete a certain number of hours of extra training. So tonight was human trafficking. VERY interesting! Apparently Sacramento is the #2 city in the country for human trafficking! It's because the Bay Area is a huge entry point, and Interstate-5 is a main thoroughfare for these traffickers, hence why Sacramento is a huge hub for these activities. So sad :(
Tonight is my guilty pleasure show - "More to Love." For those of you who don't watch, it's basically "The Bachelor" for bigger folks. It is one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile - not because I make fun of these women or anything (OK fine. The girl who cries in EVERY episode and never fails to mention how she's never been on a date might be ridiculed by yours truly every now and again). It's great because these are real people - they're not these stick figures who have been idolized and sucked up to their whole lives. Granted, these women were picked to be on TV for a reason (their cattiness and bitchy antics), but I like seeing more realistic people on shows.
Speaking of weight, I just saw on a Time magazine cover that apparently exercise isn't what helps people lose weight - it's simply their diet! Wow...that actually makes me feel better since I loooooathe working out. I like staying active, but you will never catch me going to the gym regularly and putting it on Facebook as one of my interests. I like simpler physical activities that don't feel like you're exercising (or rather, exerting myself to the point of exhaustion). How can people like working out? Who wants to sweat uncontrollably, pant like they're one smoke away from enphysema and bring your body to the brink of unbearable pain? I keep it simple - walks, pilates DVDs, dancing in my room, cleaning (hey, working that vacuum takes energy!).
And on that note, I'm going to go exercise my mind by doing something intellectual - watching some reality TV!
I felt like I just couldn't pull myself together, if that shows how unmotivated I've been lately. Not to mention, the ex was in my dream (why oh why, slumber gods?). The day just started off horribly.
But I pulled myself together and put one foot forward at a time - get ready, go to work, take care of tasks one at a time, etc. And really, the day went pretty well. I booked a second radio interview for one client and got serious interest from 2 other producers.
After work I went to a presentation on human trafficking (what a hoot on a Tuesday evening!). It's part of my volunteering with WEAVE. In order to stay certified as a peer counselor in domestic violence and sexual assault, I have to complete a certain number of hours of extra training. So tonight was human trafficking. VERY interesting! Apparently Sacramento is the #2 city in the country for human trafficking! It's because the Bay Area is a huge entry point, and Interstate-5 is a main thoroughfare for these traffickers, hence why Sacramento is a huge hub for these activities. So sad :(
Tonight is my guilty pleasure show - "More to Love." For those of you who don't watch, it's basically "The Bachelor" for bigger folks. It is one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile - not because I make fun of these women or anything (OK fine. The girl who cries in EVERY episode and never fails to mention how she's never been on a date might be ridiculed by yours truly every now and again). It's great because these are real people - they're not these stick figures who have been idolized and sucked up to their whole lives. Granted, these women were picked to be on TV for a reason (their cattiness and bitchy antics), but I like seeing more realistic people on shows.
Speaking of weight, I just saw on a Time magazine cover that apparently exercise isn't what helps people lose weight - it's simply their diet! Wow...that actually makes me feel better since I loooooathe working out. I like staying active, but you will never catch me going to the gym regularly and putting it on Facebook as one of my interests. I like simpler physical activities that don't feel like you're exercising (or rather, exerting myself to the point of exhaustion). How can people like working out? Who wants to sweat uncontrollably, pant like they're one smoke away from enphysema and bring your body to the brink of unbearable pain? I keep it simple - walks, pilates DVDs, dancing in my room, cleaning (hey, working that vacuum takes energy!).
And on that note, I'm going to go exercise my mind by doing something intellectual - watching some reality TV!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Working Girl
I chose the name of this entry because I'm currently watching an old episode of Oprah, and the Bunny Ranch brothel is being featured. Oh, holy Hanukkah. Plus the title coincides with my theme tonight: work!
I've been reading a book by Suze Orman (my new idol) and she offers some great insight on choosing a career, not a job. My career path has been at the forefront of my mind lately, and I've really been questioning where I'm at and where I want to be.
I have a vague idea of where I'm headed, but sometimes I get discouraged and feel like I'm stuck in a rut and can't get out. This is what my dad calls "a case of the blahs." I'm diagnosing myself with this ailment, and now it's time to find the antidote.
For a moment, I was considering going to law school. I had convinced myself that maybe PR wasn't for me and that I was just fooling myself. Someone suggested that maybe it's not that I'm unhappy with PR itself but just my job specifically. Further, Suze says that furthering your education just because you feel like you're at a dead end career-wise is a stupid move. Of course PR is what I'm supposed to be doing! I just have serious self-doubt issues that I need to address stat. Law would be fun, but I know I'm in the right field for me.
I think my self-doubt partly stems from observing others and - I hate to admit - envying their situations. I have this distinct view in my mind of where I want to be, and when I see others who seemingly live that, it frustrates me when I hear how they got there. So many times I'll hear people say they just "fell" into something or that they never planned on doing a certain job, yet the opportunity just landed in their lap one day.
What about all this planning I've been doing for 6 years?? Shouldn't that count for something? I bust my ass trying to get the best career possible that makes a difference, and when I feel like I'm just spinning in circles, it's infuriating to see others half ass things and seemingly succeed! I know drive and fervor can't be showcased on a resume, per se, but it has to work to my advantage at some point, right? I've got the chops to back it up, of course. I know I'm a hard worker and have passion, but those seem to be lost in me these days.
Thankfully I take after my mom and am optimistic despite the dreary job market. Things always get better with time, and if I continue to work hard and prove myself, it'll pay off.
It kind of reminds me of this story I read in elementary school that has stuck with me for years. This Chinese emperor was near death and wanted to find a child to replace him on the throne. So he handed out seeds to every child in the land and told them that whoever grew the best flower would win and take over as emperor. This one child came from a very honest, hard-working family. He watered and cared for his seeds every day, but no matter what he did, nothing grew. He felt disappointed but knew that he had tried his best. On the day when the children gathered at the palace, they all brought their flower pots with them. The boy noticed each and every child had a gorgeous, huge flower in their pot. He only had dirt in his with the failed seeds. Despite feeling discouraged, he presented his pot to the emperor, convinced he had instantly lost. In front of everyone, the emperor chose the boy as his successor and revealed all of the seeds he had dispersed had been dead to begin with. This boy with just the dirt was the only honest one of them all.
OK. so I'm not exactly a little Chinese kid with unwavering integrity, but it's a great story that reminds me of an important lesson: you may feel like you're surrounded by a bunch of undeserving assholes, but as long as you continue doing things honestly and the best that you can, it'll pay off in the end.
I'm a huge believer in karma and patience (but not always a follower of the latter), and I'm hoping my days in the rut are over soon!
I've been reading a book by Suze Orman (my new idol) and she offers some great insight on choosing a career, not a job. My career path has been at the forefront of my mind lately, and I've really been questioning where I'm at and where I want to be.
I have a vague idea of where I'm headed, but sometimes I get discouraged and feel like I'm stuck in a rut and can't get out. This is what my dad calls "a case of the blahs." I'm diagnosing myself with this ailment, and now it's time to find the antidote.
For a moment, I was considering going to law school. I had convinced myself that maybe PR wasn't for me and that I was just fooling myself. Someone suggested that maybe it's not that I'm unhappy with PR itself but just my job specifically. Further, Suze says that furthering your education just because you feel like you're at a dead end career-wise is a stupid move. Of course PR is what I'm supposed to be doing! I just have serious self-doubt issues that I need to address stat. Law would be fun, but I know I'm in the right field for me.
I think my self-doubt partly stems from observing others and - I hate to admit - envying their situations. I have this distinct view in my mind of where I want to be, and when I see others who seemingly live that, it frustrates me when I hear how they got there. So many times I'll hear people say they just "fell" into something or that they never planned on doing a certain job, yet the opportunity just landed in their lap one day.
What about all this planning I've been doing for 6 years?? Shouldn't that count for something? I bust my ass trying to get the best career possible that makes a difference, and when I feel like I'm just spinning in circles, it's infuriating to see others half ass things and seemingly succeed! I know drive and fervor can't be showcased on a resume, per se, but it has to work to my advantage at some point, right? I've got the chops to back it up, of course. I know I'm a hard worker and have passion, but those seem to be lost in me these days.
Thankfully I take after my mom and am optimistic despite the dreary job market. Things always get better with time, and if I continue to work hard and prove myself, it'll pay off.
It kind of reminds me of this story I read in elementary school that has stuck with me for years. This Chinese emperor was near death and wanted to find a child to replace him on the throne. So he handed out seeds to every child in the land and told them that whoever grew the best flower would win and take over as emperor. This one child came from a very honest, hard-working family. He watered and cared for his seeds every day, but no matter what he did, nothing grew. He felt disappointed but knew that he had tried his best. On the day when the children gathered at the palace, they all brought their flower pots with them. The boy noticed each and every child had a gorgeous, huge flower in their pot. He only had dirt in his with the failed seeds. Despite feeling discouraged, he presented his pot to the emperor, convinced he had instantly lost. In front of everyone, the emperor chose the boy as his successor and revealed all of the seeds he had dispersed had been dead to begin with. This boy with just the dirt was the only honest one of them all.
OK. so I'm not exactly a little Chinese kid with unwavering integrity, but it's a great story that reminds me of an important lesson: you may feel like you're surrounded by a bunch of undeserving assholes, but as long as you continue doing things honestly and the best that you can, it'll pay off in the end.
I'm a huge believer in karma and patience (but not always a follower of the latter), and I'm hoping my days in the rut are over soon!
Friday, August 14, 2009
17 Again
I went to Erica's last night, and we (OK, fine....SHE) cooked dinner and we watched "17 Again." The movie stars Zac Efron (a.k.a. the hottie from "Hairspray" who is way too young for me), and the premise involves Zac Efron as an adult getting to go back to being his 17-year-old self and attend high school with his two teenaged kids (kind of like "Big," only not as classic).
This got me thinking about what it would be like if I could go back to being my 17-year-old self (like in the above picture, circa 2003). Granted, that was only 6-1/2 years ago, but it made me realize how far I've come since high school.
For example:
17-year-old Tracy
I was somehow under the illusion that I had an awesome relationship with my boyfriend at the time. We were "in love" and without-a-doubt going to end up together. During our junior year of high school, he revealed to me one fine afternoon that he'd cheated on me with this incredibly awful girl named Jessie.....like 6 months prior! Ahhh, yes. A point for his honesty. And -10,000 points for his punk ass cheating on the one-and-only Tracy T! I cried for days about it, and what do ya know? All it took for that character to get back into my good graces was a poem and a couple "I'm sorrys." We spent the next year of our relationship fighting, with me bringing up the Jessie infidelity in probably 87% of every argument.
23-year-old Tracy
I've had my heart broken in the worst ways, and while this has made me incredibly sad at times, it has also thickened my skin to the point where I feel so much more confident in my relationships. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but the progress I've made after each gut-wrenching, nausea-inducing break up is invaluable. If I could go back to being 17, I would have kicked that prick to the curb way sooner! Probably even before the cheating confession. We had a myriad of problems from the get-go, which is kind of the drill when it comes to high school trysts. I've learned from my most recent relationship that if you have a deal-breaker of a problem and you break up, there's no going back or making things better the second, third, three-hundredth time around. I was WAY into the last guy I dated (think that lovely four-letter word starting with "L"). He, on the other hand, was NOT feeling me in the same way. I think his exact words were, "I'm not sure if the love I have for you is for a girlfriend or a friend. Oh, and you also remind me of my sister." (Insert another mix of four-letter words here, namely ones that begin with "S" and "F"). I could have continued dating him because we always had a good time together, no fighting, no overt problems. But there was that voice inside my head telling me that if someone is unsure if they are in love with me after 8 months, it's high time to pack my bags and jet like a bat outta Hades.
My high school BF obviously embodied everything wrong in a relationship (cocky, dishonest, unfaithful, guilt-tripping, name-calling, etc.), but I was so naive and a pushover that it took me way too long to stand up for myself (speaking of which, true story: my dad told me he'd pay me $50 to tell my high school boyfriend to "go f*** himself." I did it. Several times. Where's the cash, Dad? Oh yeah....he did pay for my college, so I shouldn't complain).
Overall lesson learned: Dump the zeros so as to make room for the heroes.
17-year-old Tracy
My best friend Christina and I have been tight ever since middle school. She and I are both nerds to the core and adore Harry Potter. Not to mention, we made up some kick ass dance routines to Ace of Base while messing around during school play practice. At 17, I don't think I valued her as much as I do now. I saw every close girlfriend as my competition - competing for male attention, better grades, getting into the best school, the best dress for the homecoming dance...you catch my drift. Everything was a race - I remember even feeling triumphant when I bought the new Britney Spears CD before Christina did. Why all of the competition and jealousy?
Well, it didn't help that Christina and I were both very wrapped up in our boyfriends at 17. We were both interested in joining the debate team, but at the last minute, Christina backed out because she said she was too busy with other commitments. And what do ya know, I happened to stop by a local high school that was holding debate tournaments, and who do I see coming out of the competition? Christina and her new partner, Amie! Ahh yes...that was a nice blow. But I guess I deserved it because I stole Christina's boyfriend Bryan in 8th grade (oh, and how that little fruitcake was so not worth the fighting). All I know is that she and I had issues in high school despite our close friendship.
23-year-old Tracy
There is not a good thing that happens to Christina that doesn't make me 10 times happier. Seeing her succeed and live her dreams is the ultimate, and I can't think of a recent time when I didn't wish anything less than good things for her. She is way ahead of the game (more so than me, I'd say): she's a medical student, she's been with her boyfriend for a number of years in a healthy, stable relationship (what the hell is that like?), she actually knows what it's like to live with a guy successfully, she is well traveled and she was recently crowned Miss Nevada! I cried when she won because I've been attending almost every pageant of hers for the last 6 years (or at least the ones I could attend - she's competed a lot on the east coast as well).
So basically, her happiness is my happiness. I don't begrudge her or feel jealous when good things come her way. Wouldn't I expect the same from my best friend?
Overall lesson learned: There are only a rare number of friends we will carry with us for the rest of our lives, so don't let petty, irrelevant things jeopardize this. (Two of my best friends below, Amie - yes, the "other" woman at the debate tournament - Christina and me at the 2009 Miss Nevada Pageant in Reno).
17-year-old Tracy
OK, so technically I was 18 when this happened, but I thought this was a really good example of self-reliance. During my freshman year of college at the University of Oregon, I thought I'd overdosed on - you guessed it - Vitamin C. While most of my classmates were toking it up in their rooms or popping Aderalls left and right in order to stay up and study, I was tricked into taking too much Vitamin C and Zinc from my BF at the time in order to combat the cold I thought I was catching.
Now, a little background here. I used to have a major case of emetophobia. This is the fear of throwing up, and yes it's real (it's actually one of the Top 10 most common phobias). I'm not as bad as I used to be, but during freshman year, my fear was in high gear (wow, that was a lot of rhyming). So after popping a few too many of each pill, I freaked out and called my parents. Bad idea. My dad called Poison Control and told me I'd be fine. (He later told me out of spite after I snapped at him that P.C. had actually told him I might throw up. Thanks, Pop). I was fine, but it sure gave me a scare.
23-year-old Tracy
While I may have 4 different types of hand sanitizer in my purse, I'm not going to be on an episode of A&E's "Obsessed" anytime soon. I think college taught me how to rely on myself and my own resources before resorting to the panicked parental call. I now stop and think about how I can best solve something, and if I'm in need of further advice or insight, I tend to call my parents in a more relaxed state. A lot less freak outs and panic attacks these days, not to mention I no longer need to use my membership for the online International Emetophobia Society (yes, I was a member at one point). I still call my parents often because they mean the world to me, but it's safe to say I no longer need adult supervision when it comes to my pill intake. I took my multivitamin this morning and feel just fine.
Overall lesson learned: It's a thrilling experience when your mom and dad slowly transition out of the "parenting" stage and you no longer need them to hold your hand when you cross that metaphorical street. But that doesn't mean you don't want them right by your side when you do cross.
In sum, I'm very happy with how I've turned out so far as a young adult. I think the melodrama was fun while it lasted, but being a grown up is so much better! I have more meaningful relationships, my friends are my best allies and there's nothing I love more than feeling proud when I accomplish something all by myself.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
LSEF
The above acronym stands for one of my pet peeves when it comes to friendships: Low Self Esteem Friends. These aren't the people who necessarily have low self esteem; they just make YOU feel like you should feel crappy about yourself and question every bit of confidence you thought you had.
I have a couple LSEFs. They're both similar in a lot of ways - attractive, fit, successful, intelligent, use SAT words now and again. They might even be a tad on the materialistic side as well. Either way, they have a lot going on for themselves, and they sure want you to know about it!
One of the top 3 things that boils my blood is when people brag incessantly - it's my theory that people do so because they are secretly insecure. They try and cover this insecurity by flailing their successes left and right, hoping to convince everyone around them that they have perfect lives and you should envy them.
I actually DON'T feel jealous toward people like this - I can see right through them. If you're so incredibly happy and secure, why try and share it with the whole world? It's like those people who constantly update their Facebook photos/status/about me and flood them with "I'm so happy" and "My life is so wonderful" sentiments. Yes, we all like to share good times with others, but by doing so non-stop, it gives off the impression that you're not only trying to convince other people, but yourself as well. We can't all be happy all the time. Sometimes our lives suck, so just own up to it!
Anyway, these LSEFs are people I've had to endure in my life, and while these friends obviously have more redeeming qualities than not (I wouldn't call them friends otherwise), it's still frustrating to carry on a conversation with someone who makes me think, "Should I be doing more than my 10-minute Solutions workout videos?" or "Was eating that second Toblerone bar really worth it?" or "Do I suck at my job - no, wait - life?"
The best anecdote I can think of for dealing with LSEFs is to not only talk yourself out of feeling down and out, but to subsequently surround yourself with a friend or family member who makes you feel on top of the world. Yes, I know it's all about relying on yourself to make you happy, but positive reinforcement from other people is crucial sometimes. I'm fortunate to have an awesome family that loves me for me, and there are a select few friends of mine who could be called HSEFs (no need to explain that acronym there).
I could go on and on about my wonderful support system, but then I'd just be bragging. And I don't want you to stop reading my blog.
I have a couple LSEFs. They're both similar in a lot of ways - attractive, fit, successful, intelligent, use SAT words now and again. They might even be a tad on the materialistic side as well. Either way, they have a lot going on for themselves, and they sure want you to know about it!
One of the top 3 things that boils my blood is when people brag incessantly - it's my theory that people do so because they are secretly insecure. They try and cover this insecurity by flailing their successes left and right, hoping to convince everyone around them that they have perfect lives and you should envy them.
I actually DON'T feel jealous toward people like this - I can see right through them. If you're so incredibly happy and secure, why try and share it with the whole world? It's like those people who constantly update their Facebook photos/status/about me and flood them with "I'm so happy" and "My life is so wonderful" sentiments. Yes, we all like to share good times with others, but by doing so non-stop, it gives off the impression that you're not only trying to convince other people, but yourself as well. We can't all be happy all the time. Sometimes our lives suck, so just own up to it!
Anyway, these LSEFs are people I've had to endure in my life, and while these friends obviously have more redeeming qualities than not (I wouldn't call them friends otherwise), it's still frustrating to carry on a conversation with someone who makes me think, "Should I be doing more than my 10-minute Solutions workout videos?" or "Was eating that second Toblerone bar really worth it?" or "Do I suck at my job - no, wait - life?"
The best anecdote I can think of for dealing with LSEFs is to not only talk yourself out of feeling down and out, but to subsequently surround yourself with a friend or family member who makes you feel on top of the world. Yes, I know it's all about relying on yourself to make you happy, but positive reinforcement from other people is crucial sometimes. I'm fortunate to have an awesome family that loves me for me, and there are a select few friends of mine who could be called HSEFs (no need to explain that acronym there).
I could go on and on about my wonderful support system, but then I'd just be bragging. And I don't want you to stop reading my blog.
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