Obligation

Coming from a Catholic background, I am very accustomed to the feeling of guilt.

I feel guilty on the regular - guilty for watching "The Bachelorette" instead of going to the gym. Guilty for leaving work at 5:45 instead of 6:45 like so many of my colleagues. Guilty for relaxing on my weekends instead of getting every single chore done.

It's exhausting, to say the least.

Today, Ty told me to not be so hard on myself. I've been feeling a bit blue today and beating up on myself for not doing this and that. It's difficult to be pulled in so many directions. It's one of the reasons I hate making decisions and having too many choices - I loathe feeling like I'm missing out on something else I should be doing.

This whole obligation issue makes me quite the doormat at times. I can't count how many times I've done things I don't want to do, simply out of obligation. I wish I could be carefree enough to take care of myself and not worry about the aftermath, but then I just feel selfish. Where is the middle ground? When do you take care of you while also pleasing others?

I think this might just have to be an aspect of my personality that I have to deal with. I'm a people pleaser, plain and simple. It sure comes in handy when it comes to work - pleasing co-workers, pleasing the boss, pleasing clients. I'm very good at taking direction - I just hope this won't hinder me in the future by giving me the reputation as someone who will always be the "doer" and the follower, not the leader.

There's my self-reflecting rant for the day! I just did some yoga, which helped for sure. And writing this all out makes me feel loads better. Here's to another week - hopefully obligation and guilt-free.