Negative Nancy came out in my last blog - I try to not complain too much on here, but sometimes I just need a place to vent.
That said, I realized I am thankful for something that I normally lament - all of the heartbreak I've been through.
I've been through just about all of it - lied to, cheated on, disappointed, miserable, morose, confused, led on, treated like the lowest of the low. And when I think of all of my experiences, particularly on a day when I'm feeling down, I start to feel sorry for myself and wonder, "Why me?"
A friend of mine is going through a confusing time with a guy. They really hit it off in the beginning, and it seemed like something was going to blossom. But now he's stopped calling her and basically disappeared.
Now, I'm no dating expert, but "He's Just Not That Into You" is my Holy Bible. That, combined with my and my friends' experiences, has opened my eyes to why people act the way they do. If someone is completely and totally into you, they call. If someone is completely and totally into you, they make the effort to establish a relationship. If they don't give it their all, well, they simply aren't worth your time.
Of course I don't expect guys to jump through hoops for me - I just mean that it's very apparent when someone likes you. They usually don't keep it a secret for long. And if someone is half-assing their affection toward you, why would you want to date them anyway?
It took me a really long time to get here. I used to take whatever I could get from a guy - I figured settling and getting a sliver of what I wanted was better than getting nothing at all. Wrong. I sacrificed getting what I deserve - all so I could end up happy for a fraction of the time and heartbroken for the rest. It's painful.
BUT....the upside is that because I've seen it all and experienced the bullshit, I feel pretty confident that I can spot bullshit from a mile away and will not let it get the best of me again*. My friend has yet to have her heart truly broken, which I always thought to be a good thing, but now I feel like maybe going through that is a necessary rite of passage - like learning to ride a bike and dealing with acne. It sucks getting through it, but you come out better in the end.
So - to all the guys out there who've hurt me deeply, made me feel worthless and overall treated me like shit - thank you. My Asshole Meter (or at least Guys Who Don't Like Me Meter) is now honed and on high alert.
*This is not to say I will not make a relationship mistake in the future. I may throw all of this wisdom out the window at some point. Hey, I'm only 24 and have plenty of time to screw things up some more.