Not much is more irritating than car problems, I've come to realize.
Sure, I don't have car payments, but good lord, my ghetto ass car has been a thorn in my side these past few months.
First, it was a couple of routine things back in the spring - a belt, a pulley thing-a-ma-jig, a brake light. Then I got a random flat over the summer, which thankfully didn't require me to buy a new tire. This month, however, things are starting to fail one by one.
My driver side window won't go down - do you know how ridiculous I look having to open my door everytime I go in and out of my parking garage at work? My horn doesn't work, which means I can't get people's attention (or audibly flip someone off), and now we've got this lovely overheating issue going on.
A couple weeks ago, steam came out of my car, which is never a good thing. Come to find out, my head gasket needs replacing. Ty's neighbor is a mechanic and graciously took it in. He wasn't able to fix it right away, but he said I could keep driving it. Well, in order for that to happen, I have to keep my heater on to draw heat from the engine so it won't overheat. Did I forget to mention that last week's highs were all in the 90s and even hit 100 a day or two? Let's just say, I got a nice glimpse into my menopausal hot flash future going to and from work.
This past weekend, Ty's neighbor told me even more was wrong with it - some other engine head hoop-a-nopper (can you tell by my lingo that I'm very well versed in cars?), thus I don't have a car this week. So in addition to paying gobs more money for this stupid new problem, I also rented a car for the week. So in total, I'm probably paying more money into fixing a car than it is actually worth. Yes, I'm getting a discount, but sometimes that car payment sounds mighty nice if it means I have some peace of mind when I commute the 20 miles to and from work every day.
Anyhoo, I know it doesn't sound like it, but I'm really not stressing too much about all of this. I know my problems could be a lot worse! Ty has been extra helpful, so that means a lot to me.
Speaking of help and relying on people, I realized something new about myself this weekend. For some reason, I really worry about people not viewing me as independent or self-reliant. It's always been sort of hard for me to ask people for help - I do it, but it takes a lot of mustering up courage, and in the end I feel guilty. I know we're not meant to do everything by ourselves, but I guess I just had this idea that once I hit adulthood and paid my own bills that I'd be able to conquer pretty much any challenge that came my way. Nope, definitely not so. I do need help sometimes, and I want to get more comfortable asking for it.
The other thing I've been learning is that I'm extra weary of "losing myself" as I forge into this whole relationship thing. I've blogged about this before (about not wanting to become a pod person), but I'm coming to see in my relationship with Ty that I sometimes resist giving in to his ideas or suggestions. It's not because he has bad ideas or anything (well, there was that sushi place he swore was the best, and that was one hell of a mistake), it's more just me fearing turning into a doormat and letting a guy make all the decisions. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous because I would never date someone who was controlling or domineering in that way, but I just think it's going to take me awhile to get used to seeing that compromising is not the same as giving up control.
As a single person, you only have to worry about 1 person's happiness, and in a couple, you have to consider 2. It's always easy at first because in that honeymoon stage, you're willing to go that extra mile for the other person. That long drive to go see them one evening seems to take priority over that yoga class you usually go to. But after awhile, how do you balance living your own life while also remembering to take someone else into account, all the while trying to keep things even and balanced? That's the stage I'm in now - trying to learn how to be with someone. Because I don't know how I'll ever be married if I can't hack it as someone's girlfriend.
Just some of my thoughts lately! Everything is going so well right now. I'm extremely happy and very hopeful for the future :)