Tuesday, March 5, 2013

From Scared to Lost

It's been just over a month now at the new job, and I've got a confession: this change was a lot harder than I expected.

I went from a small firm of 7 to a medium office of 20 to a large corporation of 2,000+ people. On top of that, I'm learning all about the corporate structure - something that is so complex that I don't even know what the entire Marketing department does. And I work in the Marketing department.

Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it.

But in the spirit of optimism, there is a plus side. For once, I'm not scared. I notice a confidence in myself that I haven't always had. I think it might have always been there, but my last job was a place that stifled a lot my self-confidence. Always second guessing myself, I used to stress over every interaction with co-workers, the wording of every email, every harmless joke I tried to make. I never felt good enough, and worst of all - I never felt like myself.

At my new job, I'm completely me - quirky, ideosyncratic, dorky me. And I'm more comfortable in a month at the new place than I was in a year and a half at the old place. It's refreshing and a big sigh of relief.

Nothing is ever black and white, though. Although I'm not scared, I'm feeling as lost as ever. Confused most days and utterly overwhelmed. I know learning is all part of growing professionally, but I'm incredibly impatient. I want to feel comfortable already! Oh, the waiting game.

One other thing to get used to at corporate life: corporate germs! I'm currently on my second cold since starting. Not exactly digging my phlegmy voice and snotting all over my co-workers, but I haven't accrued sick time unfortunately. Thankfully, an icky cold means I'm off the hook for going to the gym! And I don't have to feel guilty about it. Instead, I'm relaxing in my pajamas with a bowl of cereal, curled up next to my kitty watching "Pretty Little Liars" on NetFlix because I'm 13. Not too shabby for a Tuesday night!

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