There's a Snake in My Boot

I got down and dirty last weekend during a fun little cabin trip to Bowman Lake with the boy and his fam. It was SO much fun! And apparently, this highly outdoorsy family declared that I "passed the test." (For the record, there is no real "test" I needed to pass. I'm awesome in my own right; thus, proving it in the wilderness is unnecessary. I think they just meant that I was able to mesh with everyone in this environment).

Some highlights:

• While hiking up a small cliff with a waterfall, Ty (the boyfriend, FYI) was ahead of me leading the way. Not much really scares him, so when he stopped in his tracks and quickly told me to go back down now, I started to freak out a bit. It wasn't until we got down the rocks a few feet that he said he was about a yard away from a freakin' rattlesnake that was shaking its tail! Apparently, no one ever spots those damn things up at Bowman, and this breed is especially aggressive and scary. Go figure that we almost step on one my first time up there.
• Ty's cousins had a quad and a commander there, which they let us borrow on a couple occasions. Oh, do you think we took a lovely stroll through the woods on those things? Of course not! Ty put the pedal to the metal, and I almost had a heart attack as his passenger. I don't think I would have been as scared if he rode those things all the time. But he doesn't, so all I could think of was being thrown off to my death. I felt loads better when I got to drive (hmm, maybe I have control issues?).
• I shot a shotgun. Me - the most anti-gun person ever. It was overrated.
• One of Ty's brother's friends almost walked in on me while I was peeing in our shared bathroom. Yeah, that was a hoot.
• Speaking of peeing, I tried to pop a squat and pee in the woods at 4 a.m. A mental block wouldn't let me, and Ty made fun of me, saying all the girls he knows can pee in the woods. Really? I find that hard to believe given girls' lack of, ahem, stream control. It's much easier when you have a laser pointer you can move around to avoid getting pee on your socks.
• I smoked tobacco out of a Sherlock Homes-esque pipe while sitting around the campfire. Hell yes.

Overall, it was such a fun trip! I swam, I kayaked, I hiked, I drank beer, I read in the woods, I ate bomb food. There's nothing like a summer weekend in the wilderness. And while it was fun, I can't say I was too broken up to come home to my bathroom for one, where the only person who could walk in on me is my cat Cammie. Life is good!

Push It

2011 is my year to be pushed, I've decided.

I switched jobs, and so far, it is definitely a learning process. Picture being a freshman at a new high school - you understand the general gist of going to school, but you're surrounded by such newness that you're constantly feeling like a small fish in a big pond.

It sure is a different feeling being new at a job where you're expected to know things. When you're an intern or a recent college grad getting hired at entry level, there's that understanding that the learning curve will take some time. But in my case, I've been in PR for 3+ years, and even at my new agency I have to stop and Google the most rudimentary things.

That's the hardest part for me - going from feeling comfortable in my capabilities and knowledgeable about clients & company practices, to feeling overwhelmed, out of the loop and back at Square 1. I absolutely love what I do, and I don't regret my decision to leave my old job one bit. I just struggle with feeling clueless at times. I don't want to hold my company or clients back - I want to be the best! I'm sure I'll get there one day...just requires some patience and optimism. The people I work with are brilliant. I have some amazing teachers for sure.

I'm also being pushed physically this year given that I am now dating a regular Mr. Mountain Man. OK, that might be an exaggeration, but it's still a big change to go from weekends of laundry and gentle yoga to excursions in the mountains and going electricity-free....willingly. Don't get me wrong - the boy is not fastening me to a rope and forcing me to scale Mt. Kilimanjaro or anything, but I can already tell I'm going to have to toughen up when it comes to my outdoor skills.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a delicate flower by any means, but I also wouldn't describe myself as Annie Oakley either. Old home videos can attest to my romanticism of being outdoorsy - on one trip to the Grand Canyon at about age 10, I sported my neon orange fanny pack and told the camera repeatedly, "I like hikes. I just love going on hikes. Hikes are the best," only to later walk for 10 minutes, quit and ask when we were leaving town for Vegas.

In my mind, the outdoorsy activities always sounded fun, but who was I kidding? I was choreographing bad ass dances to Paula Abdul as a kid, not tromping through the mud trying to get dirty. I didn't really climb trees - instead, my dad built us a playhouse with a carpeted ladder and actual drapes.

I guess you could describe me as "soft," which isn't a bad thing per se. It just means that when you're 25 and about to go stay with your boyfriend at a cabin in the middle of nowhere, you better fasten that fanny pack tight and actually like hikes this time.

I'm really looking forward to the trip, actually. It's up at his family's cabin about 2-1/2ish hours away - no electricity, no cell phone service. This isn't too far off of what I did for years as a kid with my best friend Marilyn. We'd stay for 7 full days on a lake in the middle of nowhere - no running water usually, but there was a nice little outhouse. I got plenty dirty and loved it! So I'm hoping this weekend will be no different. We'll be going kayaking, swimming, hiking and exploring. And not to be a totally stereotypical "soft" girl, but I just bought new swim/land shoes that are purple and adorable!

Upside Down

A little over a month ago, my life was completely different than it is now. In the last 30 days, so much has changed that I barely recognize anything anymore!

These are all mostly welcomed changes - namely, my fabulous career. It's been a lot of work, but it's fun to do. This week I've had the arduous task of taste testing recipes prepared by a professional, paired with some scrumptious wines. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it! I went from barely having enough work to fill my day to not having enough hours in the day to do my job! I love it! Sure, I felt like my head was going to explode for a minute there, but this is exactly what I signed up for. None of these hum-drum working days where I leave the office feeling completely unproductive and useless. At the new job, I do a lot!

There are downsides, of course. I get home later than I would like, which leaves less time for my favorite classes at the gym :( But I figure, it's more important to have an active mind anyway. I take walks downtown during my lunches sometimes, so I'm not completely immobile. Another downside - I miss the camaraderie I had with my old co-workers! Sure I love the new people at this job, but I'm not super close with anyone yet. I know that all comes with the territory of being new, but it was nice having people to chat with every day about this and that.

Another aspect of my life has completely changed this month - I'm dating someone! This is something way out in left field that I never, ever expected in a million years. I've been on this whole single kick for awhile, but sometimes you just click with people! This guy is a family friend, and we connected immediately. We actually know a lot of the same people, and we have some strange family connections (his mom went to elementary school with my dad, and his grandpa was the family doctor for my dad's side of the family for years). Beyond that, he is like no one I've ever met (cliche, I know). But it's true! He's insanely smart, very close with his family, funny beyond words, loyal, interesting, passionate about life, affectionate, straight forward - oh, and did I mention he is a fox? All of these attributes are great, but the one that tops them all is this - he actually likes me! I know that sounds pretty obvious, but given what I've gone through with all of my serious relationships, reciprocity is huge to me. And I want someone that cherishes me because I want to get back what I put out there.

So yes, Tracy now has a boyfriend after 2 years of singledom. It's pretty wild when I think about it, but it feels so natural at this point. When we met, I already felt like we were dating! So I'm excited to see what happens. I'm going into this situation very open and ready, yet I'm not creating expectations like I did in my last relationship. That led to a lot of disappointment, and I'd rather just enjoy the ride!

One major downside to everything is recently I've had to let go of a close friend of mine. It was someone who wanted a relationship with me, but I did not feel the same way. It sucks up one way and down the other, it really does. I wish he and I could be friends like before, but I totally understand why we can't. I want him to be free so he won't feel held back - he deserves all the happiness in the world, and I just don't think being friends with me was enough. I'm not sure if he knows I'm dating someone new (if he reads this, well then I guess the jig is up). I hope he knows that I never meant to hurt him and that I still think of him. And if he ever wanted to let me back into his life as a friend, I'd be there in a New York minute.

So there's the latest with me - many changes and so much possibility for the future.

If You Want to View Paradise

I may be jinxing myself here, but life really couldn't get much better these days. (Note to the gods: please don't try to do that whole balance thing where everything is going so great that you have to throw a wrench into the whole thing. Much appreciated).

The new job is outstanding! Some of the tough things I'm tasked with are inviting people to fancy dinners and researching Italian wine mixology. Rough life. My co-workers are all incredibly smart and dedicated, and I love having so much to learn on the horizon. I feel like I'm going to fit in very nicely.

For those who know me and my culinary skills (or lack thereof), you're probably wondering how the hell I'm qualified to do such a job. Well, I like to think I'm a chameleon that can adapt to any situation. I was clueless about Oregon teams when I went to work for the university's athletic department. I quickly picked that up. I think this will be the same drill - it's something fun, so it's fun to learn how to do it! I've already signed up to receive loads of food & wine e-newsletters, and I'm thinking I should probably call my cable company to get the Food Network turned back on. I'll be a food & wine connoisseur yet!

That's not to say there hasn't been a bump or two in the road. Last week, I made a mistake that caused some pretty heinous drama. I was getting emails from various writers and bloggers calling me "rude" and "unprofessional," and that I needed to learn "PR 101." Not that I don't hold myself accountable for my mistakes, but the majority of these whiny bastards were the select crazies among a group of classy, important folks. I can't go into too much detail about what happened, but basically I over-invited people to an event, and when I had to turn people down, some weren't too happy. Beyond the hate mail, there were a couple phone calls too.

The best part of the scenario was how supportive my team at the office was. They had my back through the whole thing. Our general manager and some of the partners even stopped by my office to talk and make sure I was OK (because frankly, there was a day when crawling under my desk and crying seemed like the only viable option). Having everyone's support meant the world to me! The crisis was averted, and the event went fabulously. Plus, the client was concerned for me (so sweet!), and she was very happy with how the firm handled everything.

So yes, other than that little hiccup (more like an upchuck), things are grand!

I had my dance show last Saturday, and so many members of my family showed up! My parents even surprised me (after my mom gave me the whole, "Awww, I'm so sorry we're going to miss it" speech the night before - those tricky scoundrels!). I had so much fun out there on the stage, and I didn't mess up (which was one of my fears going into it. I actually had a mad case of heartburn all morning).

This weekend is 4th of July, which I'm thrilled for - eating, fireworks, family time, sleeping. This really is the good life!

Spinning Around

Whew.

What a whirlwind week this has been.

My life has considerably changed, directly the result of starting my new job this past Monday. In a word to describe it: woo-hoo! (OK, that was more a two-word hyphenate).

Last week I finished up everything at my old job. What a strange feeling it was, coming in each day, knowing that it would be my last time to go to lunch with the girls, answer the phone with the company name, drive 3 miles to work. I had several choked-up moments throughout the week as it started to set in, but Friday was when the water works came.

Sofia, the ultimate co-worker and gem that she is, decorated my office with balloons, confetti, Starbucks, gifts and cards. It was so touching, and of course, my eyes were already welling up well before 8 a.m. I'm fairly certain there are few co-workers as great as Sofia out there - and I'm positive there are very few friends like her. She has a heart of gold, and she's the main reason I've loved coming to work the last 3+ years. It was her that I was dreading breaking the news to about my departure more than anyone else.

The rest of the day went by way too fast. I had gifts for everyone in the office, coupled with long letters for each (cards don't leave enough room for my rambling). Laura left first, and that was tough. She's been such a rock in my life - always motivating me and keeping things interesting at work. I know I will see everyone again and stay in touch, but it's just not the same. These people are like my second family!

When I bid farewell to Sofia, I had to mentally prepare for it. We decided to leave at the same time so that I wouldn't have to stay in the office and drown in my tears. We sat in my car, talked a bit and said our goodbyes. I kept it together surprisingly well, but the minute I drove away, I lost it completely. I did the ugly cry all the way home.

This isn't to say I wasn't majorly excited for this new phase in my life! It's just hard to let go of things that have been so ingrained in your life for years. It's scary, but it's facing fears like this that have always made my life better. Going away to college, studying abroad in London, moving to San Francisco. All of that scared the crap out of me, yet they've been some of the best decisions I've ever made.

I had a wonderful weekend. I scoped out a few places to live downtown, but I've ultimately decided to stay in Roseville for the next few months. Changing jobs AND homes in the same month is just overload for my brain.

Monday came, and I was nervous/excited/intimidated. You name it. I had an awesome first day at the new Big PR Agency! (Side note: notice how my bio now has a line in it about this blog housing my views only and not those of my employer - love it! So official and corporate-y. The same principle applies to my Twitter now too. Yes, this is me geeking out over working for a big company. I'm also equally fascinated by our conference room sporting a huge company logo, as well as all of the company coffee cups in the break room).

Everyone at the office is so sweet and helpful! A group of people took me to lunch, and I felt super welcome in the office. Of course, my brain was buzzing from all of the new information - names, clients, company practices - but that's to be expected. I felt like it was my first day of college or something - this new big world is at my fingertips, and I can't wait to settle in and get to work!

Some other nerdy things about the new job that excite the suburbanite in me:
-When I scan my parking pass in the garage, a robotic voice tells me, "Good morning, Tracy."
-I have my own office with a name placard outside of it.
-I was issued a BlackBerry yesterday for checking company emails. Oh. Em. Gee.
-A 2-day stay in San Francisco is in the works for August where all of the company's California offices will convene (hehe).
-I've already picked up on some fun, official office lingo. Examples:

"We're going to debrief Dan," as in fill him in on stuff.
"We use those for one-off events," as in events that happen here and there.
"Let's do things this way moving forward," instead of saying "from now on."

I know all of that corporate-y stuff doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it still impresses the small town gal in me. As for the client work, I'm ramping up on that (more PR people lingo) and it's super fun! I work with food clients, so I'm reaching out to lifestyle and food editors. This is a change from my more business and technology background, but it's a welcomed switch :)

So, life is very good right now. It's not always easy being new, but one day I won't be anymore. It's still nice to come home to my same old apartment, go to my favorite classes at the gym and see familiar faces when I hang out with friends. And tonight I'm hanging with my old co-workers at the River Cats game! This will be my official going away event (more like "gone away" celebration), and I'm psyched!

Looking forward to more changes and my professional growth.....moving forward :)

Finding Mr. Right Career

Big things are in the works for me. I found out a couple weeks ago that I got a new job that I had been dying to get. Seriously - a rare, doesn't-come-too-often, awesome, exciting job! I know I'm a hard worker in general, but this was something I worked even harder for, and the fact that it paid off just about makes this one of my most prized accomplishments to date.

I hadn't been actively looking to change jobs. My current one was working out fine, and I just love my co-workers there. The 3-mile commute was grand, and getting off at 4:30 every day made life pretty breezy.

And therein lies the rub.

I don't want to always take the easy route. I don't want everything to just slide on by to the point where I'm barely using my brain anymore. This hit me big time about a month ago when I was invited to a BBQ/trivia party. I don't think I knew the answer to more than 3 questions the whole night. It got me thinking - am I getting dumber?

I've noticed for awhile that I needed a challenge. Half of the reason I've taken on new hobbies and volunteer opportunities is because I felt the need to be more dedicated to things. I was going to work, coming home and not even giving work a second thought. That disconnect is what led me to pursue this new opportunity.

Many weeks ago, I saw that Big PR Agency Downtown was hiring a mid-level executive. This was the same agency I'd interned for in San Francisco, so I thought that maybe that would be my "in." I applied for it and got a call for a short phone interview the following week. The minute I started talking with the HR person, I knew this job was amazing. The clients are mainly food and wine, and the job requires some travel to places like Miami, New Orleans, Boston, Seattle. I immediately was bound and determined to get this job.

Thankfully, I was asked to come into the office for a full-on interview. So I updated my portfolio and got some writing samples together. I remembered all of the basic techniques of a job interview, and having helped interview many people for work, I knew that it was going to take more than a clean portfolio and decent writing sample to get me to stand out. Everyone knows to do that stuff, but not everyone goes above and beyond what is asked of them.

So I whipped out my creative side and drafted a pretend food-related blog post for their company blog (something they are very well known for). It was rather cheesy, I'll admit, but I wanted to showcase my writing skills, food knowledge (beyond just "I like it") and creativity.

That interview went so great. I equivocate it to an awesome first date - you feel comfortable, at ease and like this is where you belong. It sparked this new desire in me that I hadn't experienced since college - that whole "the world is my oyster" kind of passion that drives me to go after what I want rather than just going through my days with a perfunctory approach.

And like that date that goes so well, eventually major insecurity ensues. "What if they don't like me? What if the chemistry was just my imagination?" I even found about.....get ready for it.....another woman! Through some sleuthing skills, I discovered a girl whom I assumed was going for the position as well. After reading her credentials on LinkedIn, my heart sank. This girl seemed perfect for the job.

I hate to admit that this actually led to me shedding tears, but since we all know this story has a happy ending, I can throw that in there for drama. I was so disappointed that I'd gotten my hopes up, and here this perfect person was going to take it all away from me, even though I just knew I could do that job.

Thankfully, I put to good use another invaluable skill in the PR world - utilizing who you know. I contacted a girl I knew from the SF office, and she got in touch with a girl who worked with her but had recently transferred from Sac. She was able to do a little recon for me, which I feel like is the whole reason I got this job - she discovered I was still in the running, but if I had any more proof of my food and wine skills, I'd better demonstrate it.

That refueled my fire, and I got to work right away, drafting an email to all those who'd interviewed me. I wanted to provide supplemental information, particularly because a 1-page resume and quick interview can't fully demonstrate what I'm capable of. I highlighted my relevant skills and did so in a catchy, gimicky way.

It worked.

I was offered the job a week later. When I was first offered, I don't think it sunk in. I had been so prepared to make my rejection speech, it totally caught me off guard when they told me they wanted me!

So there it is - my exciting news about how I'm movin' on up in the PR world! My passion, drive and excitement has been re-ignited. I'm no longer on autopilot, and I'm ready to put in the time and elbow grease.

Some girls fantasize about snagging their dream man. I fantasized about snagging my dream career, and I think it's safe to say that this little PR lady will be living happily ever after.

No, I'm Not Down with O.P.P.

I'm having some boyfriend problems. No, not with my non-existent boyfriend - rather, with other people's boyfriends. I consistently find myself seriously annoyed at the choices people in my life make regarding significant others.

"But Tracy," you say, "isn't that their business and not yours?"

You're right. It is. But I can't HELP it! I want to scream at some people!

"But Tracy," you say, "aren't you being kind of a Judge Judy right now?"

Yes. Don't you think I'd love to be Supportive Susan? But unfortunately, I'm cursed with actually giving a shit about my friends. Why is it so hard for smart, confident, successful women to date guys on that same level? Why do so many women date men who mistreat them, have zero goals or who haven't been giving them what they want?

Oh, that's riiiiiight. That pesky little think called love. That's what people always say when they try to justify being with shitty people. As someone who's worked in domestic violence prevention for years now, I can tell you the #1 reason women stay with their abusers - because the women love them.

It's the same mentality for women staying with men who aren't abusive, necessarily, but just unhealthy for them in general. People think just because you have these overwhelming feelings that you need to "follow your heart." That is one of the most misused sayings in the world. How about following our heads? You know, our brains?? Or if that's not working correctly, why not listen to that little voice a.k.a. gut feeling? You're all familiar with that one - it's that annoying little bastard that we push away and try so hard to fight against......only to realize in the end that the little shit was right.

Newsflash - love does NOT conquer all! It's an emotion, and emotions can't be the sole reason we make decisions. Emotions ebb and flow; they change. They evolve. They dissolve. It's a very unromantic way of looking at things, but hey, if being realistic means I'm able to get my head out of my ass and not date an asshole, then pragmatism here I come.

I know I'm waaaay up on my sassy horse right now, and I need to just focus on my own life. But I can't describe how difficult it is when you see people settling for less than they deserve. I know people who are with guys who've had affairs, guys who've physically abused them, guys who've lied, guys who've called them every horrible name under the sun, guys who are married (to someone else). Where do we draw the line? When do we start holding these guys accountable for what they've done?

Being forgiving is important. I understand that. I do believe in forgiveness - but I feel like so many times, people are quick to forgive out of the fear of being alone.

Being miserable with someone always appears easier than being miserable alone. Trust me, I understand that concept more than anyone. I've been on the other side. When I would go back with guys that hurt me, it was a quick Band-Aid for the pain I was feeling. You get back together/make up/try to forget the past, and for a moment in time, you're "happy." All seems right in the world.

I thought that meant that being with him was what made me happy and "all better." But everytime I went back, the relationship would deteriorate and slowly erode more and more. It was never the same or as good as it was before. That "make-up" phase was just smoke and mirrors - a distraction from the actual underlying problem.

Now that I'm on the other side of it, I can safely say that being alone is not easy emotionally - at first. But as time goes on, and as I've gotten space from my past, it's been the best part of my young adult life yet. I see clearer now than I ever have. I don't have my head in the clouds or my heart wound up in messy feelings. I'm stronger and more confident than I ever have been. And it was the distance from these bad guys in my life that made me see everything for what it was. Not a week away, not a month. More like years. It's been 2 years since I've been someone's girlfriend, and while I've dated and had guys in my life since then, I've had the most amazing emotional growth spurt.

This growth has allowed me to see what I deserve from a significant other. It doesn't mean I expect perfection because, honestly, I'm not perfect myself (who is, anyway?). It just means that I recognize that there are 7 billion people in this world, roughly half of them the gender I would most likely date (OK, maybe throw my girl crush Lady Gaga in there). I realized that with all of those options out there (maybe not 3.5 billion, but even if that number was 1,000, that's still an immense amount), I don't have to settle on the next guy that makes my stomach go pitter-patter.

No one is the "love of your life" or "the one" (except that John Krasinski from "The Office" is mine, but that's just a given). We have plenty of options, and while we may eventually tie down to one person once we're married, our 20s and young adult life don't need to take a page from "The Notebook." Calm yourselves, people. Falling in love doesn't mean you've found the Holy Grail and therefore no longer need to use your brain. We have the ability to fall in love again and again and again....and the longer you stay with someone who doesn't fulfill you, the less time you'll have with someone who will.

We can all afford to be more selective. Who knows? Maybe if we were all more selective, the shitty people wouldn't keep getting free rides. The bar would be raised, so we'd actually have a larger pool of eligible bachelors.

So, ladies, let's try this on for size - if love really does conquer all, why don't we start making decisions based on the love we have for ourselves? Don't keep letting crappy males get away with being crappy. Have some standards, and for God's sake, stop this whole "love" business from making you all miserable! It doesn't have to be so hard.

*Climbs off soap box*