Monday, March 31, 2014

Little Things

Tomorrow my sister, my best friend in the world, moves to Texas.

While I'm excited for her new adventure, I can't help but feel completely heartbroken today. I don't think it helped that I looked at her Pinterest page, which includes a board called "Sister" where she posts funny things that remind her of me (OK, I may have guilted her into creating it after I saw she had a board for her best friend that included images about being happy to be "unbiological sisters." Say, whaaaat?!). Anyhoo, it got me feeling sad, and this rainy weather outside isn't helping.

I know people live far away from their family. It happens all the time. My boyfriend's brother lives in Colorado along with his mom, and my mom has family in San Diego and Texas. I even moved 500 miles away when I went to college. Still, why does this move make me feel sad? Well, for selfish reasons, clearly.

I do want my sister to explore, and I do want her to find new opportunity. I do want her to be happy in her relationship, and I do want her to follow her heart. It's just hard to think that all the little things we've done together won't be happening anymore. Our quick weekend visits that usually include sushi, a movie, getting tipsy off one glass of wine or making fun of our parents. Our annual "must do's" like our pre-family reunion get togethers with our cousin, autumn trip to Apple Hill to pick out pumpkins and doing a Mother's Day cancer awareness walk.

All of these "little" things add up to a lot. I think that's why it's sad - she will no longer be a quick drive away for us do "little" things. Every trip and visit will have to be big. Every trip will require major planning, perhaps taking time off, shelling out hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket (don't even get me started on how pricey Southwest and American Airlines flights are to Dallas. FML).

Sure, you could say that our visits will be that much more precious and special. We will appreciate every phone call and FaceTime that much more. But never in all my life have I taken my sister for granted. Never have I not appreciated her being just a 2-hour drive away up Highway 80. I've even thought that was too far away.

It's times like this that make me really hate getting older. You're just that much more attached to people with that many more memories. You're more likely to have routines and comfort you can rely on. Changes in your life aren't as frequent as when you're younger and life is more transitional. But change as an adult is usually a bigger deal. We have families and jobs and friends and memories and social circles and hobbies we've come to love and expect. Yeah sure, there may be a job change here and there. And friends come and go. But in general, your life becomes comfortable and, in some ways, predictable. I've loved my life thus far - particularly these last few months of comfort and predictability. For once I feel like I have it all - I'm balanced.

But this move throws that balance off a bit. By no means should she not move on my account. This is her life, and I want her to live it. But I can't help but feel so sad today. Like tomorrow a part of my heart will be taken away and gone to Texas.

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