It's been just over a month now at the new job, and I've got a confession: this change was a lot harder than I expected.
I went from a small firm of 7 to a medium office of 20 to a large corporation of 2,000+ people. On top of that, I'm learning all about the corporate structure - something that is so complex that I don't even know what the entire Marketing department does. And I work in the Marketing department.
Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it.
But in the spirit of optimism, there is a plus side. For once, I'm not scared. I notice a confidence in myself that I haven't always had. I think it might have always been there, but my last job was a place that stifled a lot my self-confidence. Always second guessing myself, I used to stress over every interaction with co-workers, the wording of every email, every harmless joke I tried to make. I never felt good enough, and worst of all - I never felt like myself.
At my new job, I'm completely me - quirky, ideosyncratic, dorky me. And I'm more comfortable in a month at the new place than I was in a year and a half at the old place. It's refreshing and a big sigh of relief.
Nothing is ever black and white, though. Although I'm not scared, I'm feeling as lost as ever. Confused most days and utterly overwhelmed. I know learning is all part of growing professionally, but I'm incredibly impatient. I want to feel comfortable already! Oh, the waiting game.
One other thing to get used to at corporate life: corporate germs! I'm currently on my second cold since starting. Not exactly digging my phlegmy voice and snotting all over my co-workers, but I haven't accrued sick time unfortunately. Thankfully, an icky cold means I'm off the hook for going to the gym! And I don't have to feel guilty about it. Instead, I'm relaxing in my pajamas with a bowl of cereal, curled up next to my kitty watching "Pretty Little Liars" on NetFlix because I'm 13. Not too shabby for a Tuesday night!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Embracing the Honeymoon
Ahh, being new.
Starting a new job is like the first day of middle school all over again - you have the perfect outfit picked out, you look around shyly, not quite sure of what to do or where things are, and you feel self conscious carrying your lunch tray across the cafeteria, frightened that you'll trip on the heels that go with said perfect outfit.
This held true for my first day at the new job yesterday - I really did get to carry a tray (my work has two on-site cafes....ummm, yeah, it's pretty freakin' sweet). I met tons of new folks, heard all kinds of new acronyms that I couldn't keep straight and had one heck of time learning how to do simple things like printing and finding the bathroom. My new work is huge, so it is going to take a lot of time for me to get used to it. I went from working at a 6-person agency to working for a 16-person agency to now being on a campus that houses thousands of employees. Intimidating? Yes. Exciting? Absolutely. There's nothing like a new chapter.
While newness is exciting - new co-workers, fresh start on projects, new office supplies, a change in routine - I find myself anxious to get through these next 6-12 months. I'd love to skip over all of the awkwardness, mistakes, blanking on names and cluelessness that comes with being new. I can't wait until I'm an expert, when I know the business and have a clear vision of what I'm doing.
This is similar to how I viewed my budding relationship with Ty. See, most people are all about the honeymoon phase. It's that time when everything is seemingly perfect, and you're so thrilled to keep learning new things about the other person. Don't get me wrong, the new part of my relationship with Ty was wonderful, but I remember thinking, "I can't wait until we've been together 1, 2, 5 years." Because that's where the realness is - you're relaxed, you've (hopefully) worked out most of the kinks and you don't feel so vulnerable like everything will go away at the drop of a hat. It's stability. It's comfortable.
So in that same way, I can't wait to be at ease at the new job. I like feeling like I know what I'm doing, rather than this strange floating-around-the-universe-aimlessly feeling I have when I begin something new. Thankfully, I'm working for a company that supports that gradual process - that first year of growing pains before you truly start working.
So until that mark when I finally feel comfortable, I guess I'll have to basque in the newness and honeymoon phase of the job. On the bright side - being a newbie means you get to screw up and not feel (as) guilty!
On a side note: the usual first-week-on-the-job awkwardness got kicked up a notch today when I was part of a meeting with - guess who? - my old co-workers. There's no feeling quite like the one when you introduce yourself with something like, "I'm Tracy. This is my second day. Previously I was with you guys. One week ago." Particularly when this past employer is feeling a bit bruised about your recent jumping ship. Oy.
Two days down. 178 to go.
Starting a new job is like the first day of middle school all over again - you have the perfect outfit picked out, you look around shyly, not quite sure of what to do or where things are, and you feel self conscious carrying your lunch tray across the cafeteria, frightened that you'll trip on the heels that go with said perfect outfit.
This held true for my first day at the new job yesterday - I really did get to carry a tray (my work has two on-site cafes....ummm, yeah, it's pretty freakin' sweet). I met tons of new folks, heard all kinds of new acronyms that I couldn't keep straight and had one heck of time learning how to do simple things like printing and finding the bathroom. My new work is huge, so it is going to take a lot of time for me to get used to it. I went from working at a 6-person agency to working for a 16-person agency to now being on a campus that houses thousands of employees. Intimidating? Yes. Exciting? Absolutely. There's nothing like a new chapter.
While newness is exciting - new co-workers, fresh start on projects, new office supplies, a change in routine - I find myself anxious to get through these next 6-12 months. I'd love to skip over all of the awkwardness, mistakes, blanking on names and cluelessness that comes with being new. I can't wait until I'm an expert, when I know the business and have a clear vision of what I'm doing.
This is similar to how I viewed my budding relationship with Ty. See, most people are all about the honeymoon phase. It's that time when everything is seemingly perfect, and you're so thrilled to keep learning new things about the other person. Don't get me wrong, the new part of my relationship with Ty was wonderful, but I remember thinking, "I can't wait until we've been together 1, 2, 5 years." Because that's where the realness is - you're relaxed, you've (hopefully) worked out most of the kinks and you don't feel so vulnerable like everything will go away at the drop of a hat. It's stability. It's comfortable.
So in that same way, I can't wait to be at ease at the new job. I like feeling like I know what I'm doing, rather than this strange floating-around-the-universe-aimlessly feeling I have when I begin something new. Thankfully, I'm working for a company that supports that gradual process - that first year of growing pains before you truly start working.
So until that mark when I finally feel comfortable, I guess I'll have to basque in the newness and honeymoon phase of the job. On the bright side - being a newbie means you get to screw up and not feel (as) guilty!
On a side note: the usual first-week-on-the-job awkwardness got kicked up a notch today when I was part of a meeting with - guess who? - my old co-workers. There's no feeling quite like the one when you introduce yourself with something like, "I'm Tracy. This is my second day. Previously I was with you guys. One week ago." Particularly when this past employer is feeling a bit bruised about your recent jumping ship. Oy.
Two days down. 178 to go.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Mind Full vs. Mindful
I'm back!
It's been forever since I've last written, and I've really missed it.
Frankly, I've had so much to say but couldn't get it from pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, rather). I know we all use the excuse "I've been so busy" pretty frequently, but how long does it really take for me to write a blog post? I'm hoping to be more back in action given some new developments.
Here's a recap of the latest:
The Career Front
In a little more than a week, I will be starting a new job! This is a pretty significant change in anyone's life, but surprisingly I've been feeling quite calm about it. I'm leaving the PR agency world and headed to the corporate life (also known as "in house" to us PR folk). I'll be joining a global eyecare company's amazing PR team, where I'll have the chance to manage projects of my own, media train C-level executives and assist in the company's philanthropic efforts. This shift from food to healthcare is an exciting one, as well as the change from having multiple clients to just working on "one" client (my company). Of course food and nutrition is fun, but I feel like this new job will allow to me to work on things with a bit more substance. Not to mention, my new employer is regularly voted one of the top places to work - it's truly an employee-centric place, so I'm excited to see how it all pans out! I have yet to mentally prepare for the job (since I'm currently still wrapping up my old one), but I took office supply preparation into my own hands yesterday. I bought some new pens and a work planner notebook - and yes, I'm aware the new job will probably have this kind of stuff on hand. But I'm a pen snob, and I geek out in Staples.
While this new move is exciting, there are always drawbacks. I'm sad to leave co-workers and place the burden of extra work on them. That's the by-product of this that I hate the most. I've also faced some awkwardness at work since I've given my notice. Some co-workers have expressed (not to me directly) that they think I'm just leaving because I wasn't promoted last fall. The bulk of my office was fairly shocked when I gave my notice, most likely due to the fact that I'm pretty cheery and haven't overtly expressed any issues with the agency (to their faces, at least). Oh, and not to mention I won the freakin' Team Player of the Year Award last month (don't even ask how my Catholic guilt is managing that one). Well, if that's the sentiment of some, then that's pretty short sighted. I would not uproot my career all because of some petty title change. Trust me, it goes way deeper.
I'm making the change because I want to do more than just survive at work. I'm always just trying to keep my head above water and hustle through the day. It leaves very little time for mindful, strategic thought. It's just one big to-do list. So I'm hoping this new adventure allows me to be more mindful, rather than just having a mind full of tasks to get done that day.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt I'm getting a fat raise too!
The Love Front
Ty and I are doing incredibly well. It's been just over a year and a half that we've been together, and I feel like it just keeps getting better. It's pretty smooth sailing all the time, minus little annoyances here and there (and not just me - I know how to bug too!). We're in a really good place right now where we are comfortable together and we've worked out a lot of the kinks. Sure, there are some things on the horizon that we'll have to figure out (like how will we live together one day when he hates rent, is allergic to my cat and I want to live somewhere with just us two). The future is not written yet, but I have a feeling it has a good ending! He still completely appreciates and cherishes me (and vice versa), and that is priceless to me. All in all, I'm one happy lady.
The Health Front
I'm sure I've written before how I have this irrational fear of throwing up (it's called emetophobia - Google it). Well, last week I came face to face with it when I found myself stuck with a stomach bug. Ty got really sick right before Christmas, and it freaked me out (yes, I realize how selfish it is for me to worry about myself and not my own boyfriend in his time of need, but like I said, it's called an irrational fear for a reason). Last week, Ty took me out to a show as part of my Christmas present. We saw a Chinese dance show at the convention center downtown, and three-quarters of the way through, I just didn't feel right. I felt it was an imminent certainty that I would vomit all over the sweet old man next to me. Thankfully, I held it in. Once we got back from the show, I ran to the bathroom. I won't go into all the details, but let's just say I didn't end up throwing up - just the dry heaves (ewwwww). But it was awful, to say the least. And in a way I wish it had just been the real deal so I could get over my fear. On the plus side, I feel I've conquered it at least partly. But don't think I'm giving up my hand sanitizer.
I'm hoping I'll make more time to blog once I start the new job. I have absolutely no clue what to expect, but for some reason, I'm not too worried about it. I know that everything will work itself out. I've worked hard to get this far, so it's only fair that luck will follow.
It's been forever since I've last written, and I've really missed it.
Frankly, I've had so much to say but couldn't get it from pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, rather). I know we all use the excuse "I've been so busy" pretty frequently, but how long does it really take for me to write a blog post? I'm hoping to be more back in action given some new developments.
Here's a recap of the latest:
The Career Front
In a little more than a week, I will be starting a new job! This is a pretty significant change in anyone's life, but surprisingly I've been feeling quite calm about it. I'm leaving the PR agency world and headed to the corporate life (also known as "in house" to us PR folk). I'll be joining a global eyecare company's amazing PR team, where I'll have the chance to manage projects of my own, media train C-level executives and assist in the company's philanthropic efforts. This shift from food to healthcare is an exciting one, as well as the change from having multiple clients to just working on "one" client (my company). Of course food and nutrition is fun, but I feel like this new job will allow to me to work on things with a bit more substance. Not to mention, my new employer is regularly voted one of the top places to work - it's truly an employee-centric place, so I'm excited to see how it all pans out! I have yet to mentally prepare for the job (since I'm currently still wrapping up my old one), but I took office supply preparation into my own hands yesterday. I bought some new pens and a work planner notebook - and yes, I'm aware the new job will probably have this kind of stuff on hand. But I'm a pen snob, and I geek out in Staples.
While this new move is exciting, there are always drawbacks. I'm sad to leave co-workers and place the burden of extra work on them. That's the by-product of this that I hate the most. I've also faced some awkwardness at work since I've given my notice. Some co-workers have expressed (not to me directly) that they think I'm just leaving because I wasn't promoted last fall. The bulk of my office was fairly shocked when I gave my notice, most likely due to the fact that I'm pretty cheery and haven't overtly expressed any issues with the agency (to their faces, at least). Oh, and not to mention I won the freakin' Team Player of the Year Award last month (don't even ask how my Catholic guilt is managing that one). Well, if that's the sentiment of some, then that's pretty short sighted. I would not uproot my career all because of some petty title change. Trust me, it goes way deeper.
I'm making the change because I want to do more than just survive at work. I'm always just trying to keep my head above water and hustle through the day. It leaves very little time for mindful, strategic thought. It's just one big to-do list. So I'm hoping this new adventure allows me to be more mindful, rather than just having a mind full of tasks to get done that day.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt I'm getting a fat raise too!
The Love Front
Ty and I are doing incredibly well. It's been just over a year and a half that we've been together, and I feel like it just keeps getting better. It's pretty smooth sailing all the time, minus little annoyances here and there (and not just me - I know how to bug too!). We're in a really good place right now where we are comfortable together and we've worked out a lot of the kinks. Sure, there are some things on the horizon that we'll have to figure out (like how will we live together one day when he hates rent, is allergic to my cat and I want to live somewhere with just us two). The future is not written yet, but I have a feeling it has a good ending! He still completely appreciates and cherishes me (and vice versa), and that is priceless to me. All in all, I'm one happy lady.
The Health Front
I'm sure I've written before how I have this irrational fear of throwing up (it's called emetophobia - Google it). Well, last week I came face to face with it when I found myself stuck with a stomach bug. Ty got really sick right before Christmas, and it freaked me out (yes, I realize how selfish it is for me to worry about myself and not my own boyfriend in his time of need, but like I said, it's called an irrational fear for a reason). Last week, Ty took me out to a show as part of my Christmas present. We saw a Chinese dance show at the convention center downtown, and three-quarters of the way through, I just didn't feel right. I felt it was an imminent certainty that I would vomit all over the sweet old man next to me. Thankfully, I held it in. Once we got back from the show, I ran to the bathroom. I won't go into all the details, but let's just say I didn't end up throwing up - just the dry heaves (ewwwww). But it was awful, to say the least. And in a way I wish it had just been the real deal so I could get over my fear. On the plus side, I feel I've conquered it at least partly. But don't think I'm giving up my hand sanitizer.
I'm hoping I'll make more time to blog once I start the new job. I have absolutely no clue what to expect, but for some reason, I'm not too worried about it. I know that everything will work itself out. I've worked hard to get this far, so it's only fair that luck will follow.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
What Is Boredom?
It has been way too long since I last blogged. To say I'm busy is too cliche (because really, who isn't?). But in all honesty, I have been up to all kinds of things lately - not to mention, I have moved into a new apartment and have yet to set up my Internet!
When I was little, I used to complain to my mom all the time that I was bored. After playing bookstore by myself for hours (yes, I played bookstore with all of my Babysitter's Club books sprawled out and a book light that I used as a price scanner) and dressing my American Girls doll in a new outfit, my to-do list was complete. My mom's response to my complaining? "I don't even know what being bored is like!" And oh, how I understand the meaning of that now.
Don't get me wrong - this is a good thing. In my last job, I would finish the day on the dot at 4:30, make myself dinner, do Zumba if I felt so inclined and head to bed at a decent hour. It's nice to have free time after work to get things done, but I also felt I had plateaued mentally. Was I getting dumber? Each day was the same - predictable, fairly easy and monotonous. Without something to push me every day, I wasn't being challenged. So now that I've moved on to to my job at a big time agency, my need for a challenge has been met to the 10th degree. No more monotony. No more cooking dinner every night. And my membership to go to Zumba has been cancelled due to lack of usage. My last year has been mostly taken over by this new job.
Recently, a friend of mine who used to do PR told me how much she doesn't envy my crazy work schedule (and by crazy, I mean not taking lunches, sometimes forgetting to go to the bathroom as I'm chained to my desk, and typically working straight through the day with no breaks and very little breaths). It's a lot more fast-paced than I'd anticipated, but there are others who work even longer hours, check their BlackBerrys at night and regularly work weekends. I have to draw the line somewhere, or I'll really lose my mind. Still, my work schedule is more demanding than most of my friends'.
Call me defensive, but although my friend told me how glad she's not working a crazy job like me and is instead working somewhere with a more flexible schedule, I'd rather be in my shoes. I like this crazy train I'm on where the deadlines are fast and ever-present, the client demands increase by the day, and my brain/patience/mental stability are tested constantly.
The old adage "no pain, no gain" is true. This "boot camp" of a career path is what I need. It's a fire lit under me that has taught me to be a better worker, better communicator and better professional. Sure, do I sometimes wish to trade places with people who make more money and/or work less hours? Definitely.
But this is good for me. I need this discipline. I've only been at this job for a year, and I've grown by leaps and bounds. Who knows where I'll be in 2, 5 or 10 years from now? If it's anything like it is now, I'll still have no clue what boredom is.
While I do love my job, it doesn't mean I've given up my life outside of it (thankfully!). I'm loving my new place, which is in the old neighborhood I grew up in as a kid. Sure, this hood has more stabbings than the bubble I lived in out in the 'burbs, and my apartment complex is sandwiched between Section 8 hell and a halfway house for those fresh out of the looney bin, but it has character. And Ty literally lives down the street, so it's nice knowing he's a 30-second walk away. Plus, my commute to work is so much better!
Also, in other news, I was recently asked to be the Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding in Portland next year. Wow, what an (for lack of a better word) honor. Along with feeling flattered, I'm also apprehensive if I'll be able to live up to the expectation of being the bride's right hand woman. I'm not exactly what you'd call bridal - I don't have a Pinterest account with gobs of photos for inspiration for my big day, and I'm seriously considering eloping when I'm ready to get married. But my friend chose me for a reason, and if that means getting her the best stripper money can buy for her bachelorette party, then dammit I will rise to the occasion!
All in all, life is pretty grand. I hope to order Internet for my new place soon (it's been more than a month, after all), so maybe then I'll be more on top of blogging. Stay tuned!
When I was little, I used to complain to my mom all the time that I was bored. After playing bookstore by myself for hours (yes, I played bookstore with all of my Babysitter's Club books sprawled out and a book light that I used as a price scanner) and dressing my American Girls doll in a new outfit, my to-do list was complete. My mom's response to my complaining? "I don't even know what being bored is like!" And oh, how I understand the meaning of that now.
Don't get me wrong - this is a good thing. In my last job, I would finish the day on the dot at 4:30, make myself dinner, do Zumba if I felt so inclined and head to bed at a decent hour. It's nice to have free time after work to get things done, but I also felt I had plateaued mentally. Was I getting dumber? Each day was the same - predictable, fairly easy and monotonous. Without something to push me every day, I wasn't being challenged. So now that I've moved on to to my job at a big time agency, my need for a challenge has been met to the 10th degree. No more monotony. No more cooking dinner every night. And my membership to go to Zumba has been cancelled due to lack of usage. My last year has been mostly taken over by this new job.
Recently, a friend of mine who used to do PR told me how much she doesn't envy my crazy work schedule (and by crazy, I mean not taking lunches, sometimes forgetting to go to the bathroom as I'm chained to my desk, and typically working straight through the day with no breaks and very little breaths). It's a lot more fast-paced than I'd anticipated, but there are others who work even longer hours, check their BlackBerrys at night and regularly work weekends. I have to draw the line somewhere, or I'll really lose my mind. Still, my work schedule is more demanding than most of my friends'.
Call me defensive, but although my friend told me how glad she's not working a crazy job like me and is instead working somewhere with a more flexible schedule, I'd rather be in my shoes. I like this crazy train I'm on where the deadlines are fast and ever-present, the client demands increase by the day, and my brain/patience/mental stability are tested constantly.
The old adage "no pain, no gain" is true. This "boot camp" of a career path is what I need. It's a fire lit under me that has taught me to be a better worker, better communicator and better professional. Sure, do I sometimes wish to trade places with people who make more money and/or work less hours? Definitely.
But this is good for me. I need this discipline. I've only been at this job for a year, and I've grown by leaps and bounds. Who knows where I'll be in 2, 5 or 10 years from now? If it's anything like it is now, I'll still have no clue what boredom is.
While I do love my job, it doesn't mean I've given up my life outside of it (thankfully!). I'm loving my new place, which is in the old neighborhood I grew up in as a kid. Sure, this hood has more stabbings than the bubble I lived in out in the 'burbs, and my apartment complex is sandwiched between Section 8 hell and a halfway house for those fresh out of the looney bin, but it has character. And Ty literally lives down the street, so it's nice knowing he's a 30-second walk away. Plus, my commute to work is so much better!
Also, in other news, I was recently asked to be the Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding in Portland next year. Wow, what an (for lack of a better word) honor. Along with feeling flattered, I'm also apprehensive if I'll be able to live up to the expectation of being the bride's right hand woman. I'm not exactly what you'd call bridal - I don't have a Pinterest account with gobs of photos for inspiration for my big day, and I'm seriously considering eloping when I'm ready to get married. But my friend chose me for a reason, and if that means getting her the best stripper money can buy for her bachelorette party, then dammit I will rise to the occasion!
All in all, life is pretty grand. I hope to order Internet for my new place soon (it's been more than a month, after all), so maybe then I'll be more on top of blogging. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
One Year
Last week Ty and I celebrated our one year.
Holy moly!
This might not seem like a big deal to most (particularly given how the majority of my friends have gone well past that one year mark - many of them doing so in frickin' high school), but it's a huge milestone for me on many levels.
First, I've never made it to one full year without breaking up with a guy. I think I've made it about 6 months before the Honeymoon Phase starts to fade. Then I end it, regret it a day later and beg my way back into the relationship, usually stealing lines from "Dawson's Creek" (the early years, when Joey was still trying to "find herself" at 15).
Second, there was a brief moment there where I was worried about where Ty and I were going. I was questioning it all, and I figured it just meant things were on the outs.
But thankfully, things went back to good. We found a way to work it out. This is a huge step for me - as driven as I am, I'm a bit of a quitter. If things aren't going well, I want to pack my bags and head for the hills (or, rather, my side of the creek). It's not a very good trait, but I'm incredibly proud of myself for recognizing what was wrong (mostly my outlook and attitude) and fixing it! So elementary, yet such a big deal to me. I didn't quit this time, and boy, did it pay off. I've found my Pacey Witter!
It's been one crazy year - falling in love, starting a new job and now moving into a new apartment in a new neighborhood. I've had to let go of some things, make room for new things and basically just settle into this new phase in life - that time when college is even more distant in the past, yet you're not completely "settled down" and falling asleep to the sound of your ticking biological clock. It's a strange, in-between phase, the mid-20s. But so far, it's been pretty grand.
What can I say about my year with Ty? He has inspired me to be a happier person - not because my happiness relies on him, but because he looks at life and appreciates all things big and small. He's taught me that happiness is a choice - it's how you view things and not take them for granted. He enjoys every bite and sip of life, and I want to do the same!
So here we are, a year later. We've figured out the basics of how the other operates, and I feel like we've got a stellar foundation under us.
What's next?
Well, that remains to be seen. I see another year of date nights, outdoor adventures, family extravaganzas and living literally down the street from one another (I call it Living Together with Training Wheels). I am hopeful for many more years together. If they're anything like this last one, then it's a good life!
Holy moly!
This might not seem like a big deal to most (particularly given how the majority of my friends have gone well past that one year mark - many of them doing so in frickin' high school), but it's a huge milestone for me on many levels.
 |
| Our first photo taken as a couple - July 2011. |
First, I've never made it to one full year without breaking up with a guy. I think I've made it about 6 months before the Honeymoon Phase starts to fade. Then I end it, regret it a day later and beg my way back into the relationship, usually stealing lines from "Dawson's Creek" (the early years, when Joey was still trying to "find herself" at 15).
Second, there was a brief moment there where I was worried about where Ty and I were going. I was questioning it all, and I figured it just meant things were on the outs.
But thankfully, things went back to good. We found a way to work it out. This is a huge step for me - as driven as I am, I'm a bit of a quitter. If things aren't going well, I want to pack my bags and head for the hills (or, rather, my side of the creek). It's not a very good trait, but I'm incredibly proud of myself for recognizing what was wrong (mostly my outlook and attitude) and fixing it! So elementary, yet such a big deal to me. I didn't quit this time, and boy, did it pay off. I've found my Pacey Witter!
It's been one crazy year - falling in love, starting a new job and now moving into a new apartment in a new neighborhood. I've had to let go of some things, make room for new things and basically just settle into this new phase in life - that time when college is even more distant in the past, yet you're not completely "settled down" and falling asleep to the sound of your ticking biological clock. It's a strange, in-between phase, the mid-20s. But so far, it's been pretty grand.
What can I say about my year with Ty? He has inspired me to be a happier person - not because my happiness relies on him, but because he looks at life and appreciates all things big and small. He's taught me that happiness is a choice - it's how you view things and not take them for granted. He enjoys every bite and sip of life, and I want to do the same!
So here we are, a year later. We've figured out the basics of how the other operates, and I feel like we've got a stellar foundation under us.
What's next?
Well, that remains to be seen. I see another year of date nights, outdoor adventures, family extravaganzas and living literally down the street from one another (I call it Living Together with Training Wheels). I am hopeful for many more years together. If they're anything like this last one, then it's a good life!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Obligation
Coming from a Catholic background, I am very accustomed to the feeling of guilt.
I feel guilty on the regular - guilty for watching "The Bachelorette" instead of going to the gym. Guilty for leaving work at 5:45 instead of 6:45 like so many of my colleagues. Guilty for relaxing on my weekends instead of getting every single chore done.
It's exhausting, to say the least.
Today, Ty told me to not be so hard on myself. I've been feeling a bit blue today and beating up on myself for not doing this and that. It's difficult to be pulled in so many directions. It's one of the reasons I hate making decisions and having too many choices - I loathe feeling like I'm missing out on something else I should be doing.
This whole obligation issue makes me quite the doormat at times. I can't count how many times I've done things I don't want to do, simply out of obligation. I wish I could be carefree enough to take care of myself and not worry about the aftermath, but then I just feel selfish. Where is the middle ground? When do you take care of you while also pleasing others?
I think this might just have to be an aspect of my personality that I have to deal with. I'm a people pleaser, plain and simple. It sure comes in handy when it comes to work - pleasing co-workers, pleasing the boss, pleasing clients. I'm very good at taking direction - I just hope this won't hinder me in the future by giving me the reputation as someone who will always be the "doer" and the follower, not the leader.
There's my self-reflecting rant for the day! I just did some yoga, which helped for sure. And writing this all out makes me feel loads better. Here's to another week - hopefully obligation and guilt-free.
I feel guilty on the regular - guilty for watching "The Bachelorette" instead of going to the gym. Guilty for leaving work at 5:45 instead of 6:45 like so many of my colleagues. Guilty for relaxing on my weekends instead of getting every single chore done.
It's exhausting, to say the least.
Today, Ty told me to not be so hard on myself. I've been feeling a bit blue today and beating up on myself for not doing this and that. It's difficult to be pulled in so many directions. It's one of the reasons I hate making decisions and having too many choices - I loathe feeling like I'm missing out on something else I should be doing.
This whole obligation issue makes me quite the doormat at times. I can't count how many times I've done things I don't want to do, simply out of obligation. I wish I could be carefree enough to take care of myself and not worry about the aftermath, but then I just feel selfish. Where is the middle ground? When do you take care of you while also pleasing others?
I think this might just have to be an aspect of my personality that I have to deal with. I'm a people pleaser, plain and simple. It sure comes in handy when it comes to work - pleasing co-workers, pleasing the boss, pleasing clients. I'm very good at taking direction - I just hope this won't hinder me in the future by giving me the reputation as someone who will always be the "doer" and the follower, not the leader.
There's my self-reflecting rant for the day! I just did some yoga, which helped for sure. And writing this all out makes me feel loads better. Here's to another week - hopefully obligation and guilt-free.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Perspective
Ever the complainer, I tend to moan and groan over trivial things. It's been that way since I was a kid, and I don't like that about myself. But sometimes, you just get stuck in your bubble, and small things become big things.
And then someone in your family gets stage 4 lung cancer. And then has a stroke. And then your grandma has hip surgery, goes to rehab and has to learn how to walk again at 86 years old.
Talk about putting things in perspective.
These last few weeks have been a bit tough. I was bitching about small health ailments I was experiencing, dreading my pending move to a new apartment and stressing over the pressures of work. But none of that matters in the grand scheme of things. My family is #1 to me, and if anyone is hurting or struggling, I immediately feel petty and ridiculous over sweating the small stuff.
So now, while my Grams has improved and those minor annoyances in my life have subsided, I still have a family member who will not be with us much longer. It's awful.
Thankfully, my family has so much strength. And I no longer need to stress over irrelevant things. It's the big stuff - family - that matters.
And then someone in your family gets stage 4 lung cancer. And then has a stroke. And then your grandma has hip surgery, goes to rehab and has to learn how to walk again at 86 years old.
Talk about putting things in perspective.
These last few weeks have been a bit tough. I was bitching about small health ailments I was experiencing, dreading my pending move to a new apartment and stressing over the pressures of work. But none of that matters in the grand scheme of things. My family is #1 to me, and if anyone is hurting or struggling, I immediately feel petty and ridiculous over sweating the small stuff.
So now, while my Grams has improved and those minor annoyances in my life have subsided, I still have a family member who will not be with us much longer. It's awful.
Thankfully, my family has so much strength. And I no longer need to stress over irrelevant things. It's the big stuff - family - that matters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)