So I was having a low self-esteem day on Monday where I was just feeling like I didn't look as good as I wanted. I'm not normally very hard on myself because, for the most part, I'm OK with my looks. But every now and again (thanks to Victoria's Secret commercials and my tendency to have drop-dead gorgeous friends), I have an Ugly Day.
When I went to meet my friend Alanna for dinner on Monday night, I was a bit early, so I stopped by Urban Outfitters at Arden Fair Mall. I was wearing this blue and black plaid sweater dress I got on clearance in San Francisco, which I just love. As I walked into the store, I was stopped by the comments of this lady.
It was a black girl pushing a stroller (and I mention her race strictly because of how awesome the way she talked), and she said nice and loudly, "Awwwwww guuuuuurl....look whatchu got on! That's cute!"
Oh, how the comments from a random lady make my day.
In other news, I let Speed Date Guy down. I was secretly hoping he didn't like me (which doesn't seem to be too hard these days), but alas, he e-mailed me. He told me he had a really good time and would like to go out again.
Well, damn. Here I am, always worrying about a guy liking me, and now I have to let someone down whom I don't like. He was extremely nice and pleasant to talk to, but I didn't have "the feeling" one bit. So I wrote back and was very honest and straight-forward, which I know is tough for some people to do. I told him I wouldn't mind hanging out again, but only as friends. He wrote back a couple days later and said, "Well, you can't blame a guy for tryin'!" He said he's not looking for friends, and he wished me luck on my quest for Mr. Right. God love him.
This is the first time I don't have any sort of crush and am not pursuing anyone. But, in true Tracy fashion, I'm still the eternal romantic, fantasizing about "Notebook"-esque things happening to me despite my pretty average life. Sigh.....a girl can dream, right?
I just keep thinking that all of my past experiences will add up and mean something - that all of it was good for me - happy and sad moments in all - and that maybe going through all of that was like paying my dues in preparation for a good relationship in the future. You know what they say, "Sometimes good things must end in order for great things to happen." Yes, yes. Cliche and cheesy, but it's things like that that give me hope.
I'm really leaving things out of my hands these days. I figure once it's right, it'll fall into place. The girl who is going to be the new Bachelorette, Ali, said it best when she was asked what she was looking for in a guy: "I'm just looking for a feeling." That's so true! So many times we try and make laundry lists of what we're looking for - nice teeth, smart, sense of humor, family-oriented, etc. But really, in the grand scheme of things, isn't it just about how the person makes you feel? Now, if a serial murderer makes me feel something, I'm not just going to avoid external factors altogether. I just think that I don't have a type - as long as he's nice and cherishes me, that's all that matters (oh, and he's a doctor? And volunteers his time to help kids with terminal illnesses? I'll take it!).
This whole idea of "the feeling" rings true for me, particularly because of my ex. We were so right for each other on paper. It was all there, so it just had to work out. But, as luck would have it, it didn't. There wasn't that mutual feeling - that X factor, that vibe, that spark (on his end, at least). But that's OK - I'm now free to find someone even better for me!
OK, enough about guys. Sorry, I tend to always bring it back to that. My writing is jumbled, I know, but that's why I have this lovely little blog to get it all out.
My friend Nicole came on Saturday, and we went to a club in downtown Sac. I haven't been out in ages, but we felt in the mood to dance, so we went to Social. Epic evening - great music and the drinks were flowing. I could have done without that last vodka and cranberry, but hey, it was all in the spirit of showing my out-of-town friend a good time. Now, that $80 cab ride home was not so much fun, but it was the smart/safe/responsible thing to do.
I'm meeting with a woman from a domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy group who wants to talk to me about my role as a volunteer with them. This would be in addition to my volunteering at WEAVE, so I'm stoked! I love to volunteer and use my professional skills to help nonprofits. Those are the people that need it most! And since I can't help out financially, I figure my writing/PR connections can do the job so people with money can help the organization.
Ohhhh, and the best news of all - I just made the biggest purchase of my life - a new flatscreen TV! I'm frugal, people, so this is big to me. I'm used to that 0.00 balance on my credit card, so I'm going to have to adjust. My new TV is sweet - 42" of bliss and all for a great deal. Although I admit I was duped into buying the special cleaner and rag for $20. Hey, the TV was a steal, so what's 20 more dollars and helping out the salesman's commission?
All right, I've rambled enough. Time to head home, work out and watch all my beloved TV shows in HD!